08/13/2023 - DRUNK GUY
Some drunk guy just threatened me, a minor, with assault at the river when I was with my grandmother, and my two young sisters (both under the age of 10). There was nobody here to protect us, and so this shirtless drunk just kept yelling at me saying that he was going to kick my ass. I was only being friendly until he threatens me with assault in which I said “Assaulting a minor is a crime.” Which in turn he said that he was military as presumably that means he can do whatever the hell he wants. I feel threatened, I feel angered, I don’t know what to do, to either call the cops, or just ignore it. I assume he’s still at the river. The incident only happened sixty minutes ago. (I’m 15).
FROM ERIC
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm sure it was a pretty scary situation to be in. I'm also sure it was hard because you were kind of the "one in charge" in the situation. It took quite a bit of bravery to step out of the situation for a moment and inform us. In the future I would call the police because although it may seem like not the biggest deal to some, it's clear that that guy was unpredictable. You absolutely did the best you could and you should be proud of yourself for your actions!(we sure are). To be clear, it makes zero difference if he actually has military background or is the military, assaulting a minor is illegal in every situation. Thank you for reaching out! FROM MIA
Hey! thanks for reaching out! I’m so sorry that this happened to you. That’s a super scary situation to be in and I understand why you would feel so stressed and upset about it. I think that the decision to report what happened to the police is yours and you should do what you feel comfortable with. If you feel safer reporting him then that’s an option, but if you don’t want to, that’s okay too! I hope what ever you choose, you’ll feel better with in the end. Thanks for reaching out and feel free to contact us anytime! From Amelia
Hi there, first off I want to say that I am so sorry this happened to you and can understand how scary this must have been. You should be very proud of yourself for how you handled the situation and remained calm, that takes a lot of strength. Since it has been some time since the incident, have you had the opportunity to talk about it with your parents? Discussing it with them could help you come up with a plan of action for how you want to move forward with this. Of course you never know when something like this is going to happen, maybe carrying a whistle or some pepper spray on you could make you feel a little safer and more prepared if something were to happen again in the future. Truly wishing you the best! - Amelia P.S. make sure you set aside some time to check in and care for yourself after something like this! FROM M
Hi! Thank you for reaching out. This experience sounds really scary and I can see how you felt threatened. You are awesome for being bold and standing up for your sisters, your grandmother, and you. Drunk people can be difficult to deal with because they can be unpredictable. You were doing the right thing being friendly despite his threats. It’s ok to leave that man alone because he might be going through his own things and hopefully you can avoid him by not visiting that part of the river. Find a way to relieve some anger or stress. This could be anything that makes you happy and can take your mind off the situation. I hope things are going well for you, feel free to send in a response if you want to talk some more! 04/29/2023 - FAMILY
I have no rights over, what to do and and continuously talked sh*t about in front of my family. I have never been on my own for more than 24-hours. I see them everyday and tonight I just wanted to go to prom as my first and last dance of high school but they've said no cause they think that all thats gonna happen is everyone will get drunk and try to hook up with each other. I just wanted to send some time with my frineds outside of school. I've never even had a sleepover or been to any of my friends house.
FROM DAVID
Hi my name's David and I really appreciate your courage in reaching out. I'm really sorry to hear that you feel like you don't have control over your life and that your family is talking badly about you. It's completely understandable that you want to have some freedom and experience new things, and anyone in your situation would. It may be helpful to have a clear conversation with your family about how you feel and what you want. Possibly try to explain them your point of view on the situation and that your a responsible young person who can handle themselves. You could also try to lay out a plan with them so that they can feel satisfied about your safety or location. If that doesn't work, you could also try to talk to a different trusted person such as a teacher, school counselor, or relative. You deserve a happy life and a little freedom from your family so I don't think you should be afraid to voice that concern unless you think you would be at risk of physical harm. In that case you could escalate higher to an authority. You could also try and tell your family that you don't appreciate their rude comments and ableist in my experience telling my parents about what I want them to talk about helps. it might feel awkward to tell your parents what they should talk about but parents like talking about their kids so maybe give them a few pointers about constructive things they could share like about your hobbies or experiences. FROM MIA
Thank you for reaching out to us! I sorry to hear that your family is not being cooperative with you. I can't imagine how hard that must be. It's upsetting when you feel like you're missing out on an important event in every high schooler's life. It must feel like you have no control over your life. There will be many more times in your life when you will get to go out and have fun with your friends in the future and you will have more control over what you do! It sounds like you are a senior as well so that may be right around the corner for you! Feel free to reach out to us if you want to talk! FROM R
I am so sorry to hear that, nobody deserves to be talked badly about and having people do that in front of family seems like it would bring up some very strong emotions that affect you. I totally understand wanting to have those fun experiences of sleeping over and going to friend's houses. My parents were very strict with sleepovers and so I ended up missing all those times and it separated me from my friends. I was only allowed to do it when they are over at my house. Maybe that is a compromise your parents would be willing to make, though I know that it wouldn't be the same. If not, I hope you can manage to create more memories with your friends and get to have sleepovers in the future, even if that is by the time you are an adult, it's never too late! from bri
Hey, Thanks for messaging us :) It takes a lot of courage to reach out to others and I am so glad to hear from you. It can be really hard when you want to go and have experiences with other people and to get to do what other people are doing. I don't know what it feels like to be you, but I have had time where I wasn't able to do what my friends were doing and it made me feel really powerless and like "whelp, I just have to deal with it." I am sorry you are struggling with that. What reasoning did they use for not letting you go to a sleepover? I don't know if your family is willing to negotiate but what helped me was when I was able to introduce my family to a friend's family and they were able to text the family to make sure they were able to watch us. As far as prom goes, that must be really heart breaking. I get the stereotypes but that is such a big moment and I am so incredibly sorry. I wish I had words to make it better but I don't feel like any words would do it justice. FROM TESSA
Hi there, thanks for reaching out. It sounds like you're going through a lot and it takes a lot of courage to speak your truth, so thank you for your message. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with boundaries with your family, I know how frustrating that is. Especially the night of your prom, you deserve to make fun memories and have a good time. As you get older, you deserve to have freedom and privileges that come with being a teenager. I highly recommend sitting down with your family and telling them how their boundaries make you feel. It's normal to crave independence, and I hope things get better. FROM MAGGIE
hey! so sorry about what you're going through. i grew up with pretty strict and overprotective parents too, so i know how hard it can be when they place unreasonable demands on you and expect you to follow them. prom is definitely an experience you deserve. it's even worse that they demean you to your face, and i'm really sorry that this is happening to you. have you tried talking to your parents about how you feel? they might not listen, but again, they might think you have a point. or, maybe, is there another trusted adult in your life that you can reach out to? they might be able to talk to your parents as well. finally, please remember that none of this is your fault. your friends love you for who you are, and in their own way, your parents probably do to. it's really frustrating when they don't understand where you're coming from though, and it really sucks that this is happening to you. if you ever need a listening ear, feel free to give teentalk a call! i believe in you!! -maggie FROM A
I'm so sorry to hear that you were not able to go to your prom. Personally, I know what it's like to have parents that keep their eye on you 24/7. It can be really hard to not feel appreciated in your family. I would really suggest confiding in your friends or other family members that you trust. 01/03/2023 - i am hurtin
i am not ready for this thuresday to come it is a really importion day for me. how can i get ready for it and how do i feel less anxiety and stress
FROM MAGGIE
I'm sorry that you're feeing so stressed about Thursday. Big days can be hard, especially since the more something matters to you, the more pressure there is to have it go well. But remember this - whatever happens on Thursday will happen, and even if things don't go as you hoped, please don't blame yourself for it! Life happens, and sometimes, there's nothing anyone can do about it. Still, I know, it's easy for me to say, but definitely hard to do. Letting go of stress and anxiety is always difficult, especially when you're stressing about something you care a lot about. Whenever I'm stressed about something, I like to find things that I love to do - things that I can get absorbed in for hours. Maybe, you could think about something that makes you excited, something that you have a lot of passion for. For example, I love baking and reading, so those are my two go-to activities when I'm stressed. They help time fly by and also help relax me! On the other hand, you can also confront your stress directly by doing things like journaling or talking to people about your worries. I find that writing my thoughts down, or saying them to other people, helps me understand and process them, and I often come away a little less stressed. I like to imagine I'm just releasing all the anxiety and worry as I share my thoughts. If you ever want to talk about anything, TeenTalk is here Monday-Thursday from 4 to 9 and Friday from 4 to 7! I hope this helped at least a little bit, and good luck on Thursday! Although I don't know what's going on, I know you'll be amazing :). - Maggie FROM COREY
Hello! Thank you for reaching out to us!! It is totally understandable that you are experiencing a lot of stress. Anticipating days ahead can cause a lot of anxiety. Sometimes planning the day out will help. This could be picking out your clothes or making a list of things that you are doing that day. To reduce stress in the moment, you could try taking a warm shower, reading a book or watching a show. Breathing and meditation techniques are very helpful has well. One breathing technique is belly breathing. To do it you put one hand on your abdomen and one on your chest. Inhale and as you exhale drop your shoulders down. Hold that for a few seconds and repeat. Do you have people in your life you can lean on for support when you are stressed? If so, you could reach out the them and talk. I hope Thursday goes well for you! You can always write to us again :) -Corey FROM DAVID
Hello, my name is David, thank for reaching out! I'm really sorry to hear that your nervous for Thursday :( It's totally normal to be very nervous for things and everyone had gone through it as some point in time so please know you're not alone. For me personally, I really like to gather my thoughts before a nerve-wracking event, so I make a list of what I'm going to say / do or create a list of pros and cons to help me navigate the situation. If you would like you could also ask anyone who knows about the situation like a parent or teacher, and they can also give you advice and thoughts. If your just really nervous you can try a destresser. destresser are things that reduce stress and nervousness so pretty much anything you find enjoyable. These could include spending time with loved ones/friends, reading, videogames, movies, going outside, journaling, yoga, or hobbies you enjoy. I know it's hard to get something out of your mind since it always finds a way to come back but getting really invested in an activity is a good way to help yourself focus on other things important to you. I really hope whatever is Thursday goes well for you! I'm sure you'll do great :) FROM VALERIE
Hello! My names Valerie. I'm so glad you decided to reach out about this! Dealing with stressful moments is no good on your own, so hopefully some of this helps. First, don't forget to breathe. I know everyone says this but if you take a moment to just clear your head, get some oxygen flowing, it can help relieve a tense moment. I'm not sure what you're preparing for, though I can share some tips on things I've done to feel more ready for important events in my life. First, I like to put on an outfit I really like. Something that's comfortable, but still makes me feel good about myself. It's just one less thing to worry about because you know you look your best. Another thing is the night before an event I'll take a long bath, it helps me relax and makes me feel clean at the same time. Sometimes I'll read a book if just need to take my mind away a moment. If it's a test you can go over some flash cards or practice problems, but I definitely recommend just letting yourself go to bed early and relaxing when it comes to be the night before. You'll need your sleep to help you feel ready and rested for whatever it is you're facing! I really hope some of this helps, and if you're looking for more specific advice don't hesitate to call, text, email, dm, or snap us :) If you message between 4-9 Mon-Thurs and 4-7 Fri you can expect a speedy response too FROM BRI
Hi :) What are you doing tomorrow? I am really hopeful that things go well tomorrow. I'm not sure your situation but at least for me when I am stressed I try to surround myself with comforts. Comfort food, comfort sounds (I like campfire sounds idky), comfort lights/pictures, comfort smells (my fav candle is vanilla cookie), etc. I put them around me in a circle and try to focus on all the comfortable things. But if I have a lot of high energy stress I typically go out and try to walk or do something physical to get out some of that energy. What have you done so far to try to be less stressed? 09/10/2021 - my home doesn't feel happy
when im at home as soon as i walk in the door i feel instant stress, almost like the next time that i see my parents i will be burdened with yet another thing i can quite do right or something small made out to be my fault. my parents always tell me if there is anything i ever need to talk about or if im having anxiety, to tell them about it and they will help, but i feel as though when i do bring it to their attention that it only makes things worse and it brings more anxiety and stress to the table. weather they realize it or not, half of the time when i try to talk to them they either use my feelings against me or compare how their day was, because my day was "perfectly easy" compared to the "extreme levels of stress" they go through each day. and well that might be true that they do have their own issues as they are human, mine still matter as much as theirs do. at least i think, at this point im not sure because it seems no matter who i talk to im always a burden to them and im not the perfect daughter/sister/friend that everyone thinks i should be
FROM MAGGIE
Hey! I'm so, so glad you reached out, because you are most definitely not alone. The very first thing I want to tell you is that I completely understand (well, I can't say I completely understand, since I'm obviously not you, but I'd say I understand a good 90% :)) what you're going through right now - in fact, it was a little spooky how closely your parents sound like mine. I struggle constantly to get my parents to understand that just because they think my worries are "smaller" and more "insignificant" than theirs doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to struggle and complain. If I ever point this out to them, they just say, "but it's true!" right back at me, and they make me feel as if I don't even deserve to complain - it's quite literally one of the most frustrating things I have experienced in my entire life. From personal experience, though, I have to say, even though your parents' judgement might seem nonstop, don't take it too personally. They might - or at least my parents do - just be searching for a way to vent their own stress, and you happened to be accidentally in the line of fire... It sucks, but sometimes they just use you as a stress ball or a pincushion of some sorts. Maybe next time they start yelling at you for seemingly insignificant things, you can divert the conversation - ask them how their day was? Perhaps then you can figure out why they have such a short fuse that day. There are so many other things you said that just really hit home for me as well - the endless expectation from literally everyone to be perfect can be so incredibly tiring, especially when it's difficult to find someone that will listen to your worries with absolutely no judgement.
I'm here to let you know that it's okay. It's okay not to be perfect, and most of all, it's okay to complain. It's okay - well, more than okay - to struggle. Your worries are valid, no matter what anyone tries to tell you. Nobody knows what being you feels like - nobody knows how hard it is to face the challenges that you are facing, so they have absolutely no right to tell you that the things you're going through aren't valid. Everyone deserves to worry and complain - your parents do, but so do you. Sometimes, you just need to vent these worries to somebody, and everyone deserves someone they can vent to, judgement-free. It can be really hard sometimes to find this right person, but trust me - there's definitely someone out there ready to listen (like me! :)). If you want to vent some more, let out some steam, or just clear your head, I'd be more than happy to talk/text during my shift (Wednesdays, 4-7 pm). Something else that's really helped me is just keeping a diary - sometimes, if I want to complain about something but can't find anyone willing to listen, or don't trust anyone enough on that topic, I scribble it all down in my journal, because I know that my future self, upon reading this entry, will definitely empathize and understand, even if nobody else does right now. I know it sounds kind of silly, allowing my future self to comfort me right now, but it really does help me. Really, I want to thank you for writing in and sharing your thoughts with me. I can't speak for everyone in your life of course, but for me personally, I honestly love it when people complain to me about what's going on in their life. It makes me feel like I matter to them, like they trust me to listen, understand, and empathize. If people think you're a burden when you honor them with confidence and trust, then maybe they don't deserve it at all! Just always keep in mind that you DO have people who care. I care. My fellow TeenTalkers care. Your parents, however self-righteous and prickly they may be, care. Your sibling(s) and friends, however unreasonable their expectations for you may be, care. So basically, what I want to say is this: worry all you want, complain all you want, because every single thing you feel is absolutely valid. --Maggie :) FROM BRI
Hello friend, I just want to start out with how big of a fan I am of yours. I wish more people knew that their feelings are valid, whether other people acknowledge it or not. I’m sorry that going home doesn’t feel like a safe space right now, I know how it feels to not look forward to going home because of all the pressures. I’ve had to work a lot on my anxieties around it. A quote that really stuck with me is that “you can’t change how people act, but you can change how you react.” You can’t change how your parents are but with practice and coping sometimes it makes it so you can react better. I often repeat “this probably isn’t even about me, but about them” a lot. My dad used to try to fix or argue why something isn’t an issue and things started getting better when I was able to verbalize what I wanted for the conversation like “I want to talk to you but I don’t want you to try to fix it” or “I want you to agree with it because I need to feel sad about this” and then ask them if they can do that. If they can’t then it’s not worth my time telling them. If they can, great. If they say yes but then actually don’t, I’ll respond with “hey I’m going to have to stop you here, I think maybe we should post pone this convo for another time because I’m not getting what I need from this, maybe we can talk later?” But that’s just what I do, and I don’t know if that would be the way you’d want to handle it. And I think you put it really well, that they are valid in having a bad day but so are you and it makes me curious if you’ve ever told them just that? Maybe if talking to your parents is stressful, have you thought about reaching out to another trusted adult? Sometimes I talk to my favorite teacher, my uncle, or our family friend. You deserve to have someone to vent to for sure. Because you’re enough. You’re every much the perfect daughter/sister/friend that anyone is. No one is perfect, except that you’re perfectly imperfect and you’re amazing for it. You’re the only you in the world and that is all anyone could ask for. It sounds like you’re going through a lot and I’m really glad you reached out. You don’t have to go through this alone at all. If you ever want to text or call us we are totally here. I work Thursday 6-9pm but we are open Monday-Thursday 4-9pm and Fridays from 4-7pm. I look forward to hearing back! -Bri I feel like this really echos what you’re talking about. It helps me when others know what I’m talking about. https://teguharaharjo.medium.com/stop-competing-for-who-have-the-worst-life-4359cd536896 FROM TESSA
Hello, thank you so much for reaching out. I can relate to feeling like when we express emotions and worries to our parents, that it further burdens or upsets them. When we feel negativity, it is present in everything we do. It can be so frustrating not knowing how to navigate or separate these feelings, especially when we feel like we don't have an outlet. I recommend identifying some support systems aside from your parents. This could be friends, teachers, relatives etc. Doing something like venting or expressing our feelings can help us let go of some of the negative connotations we are feeling, and allow room for us to focus on the positive especially in situations where we can't control what another person is saying or doing. I hope this helps, let us know how you are doing :) FROM VALERIE
Hello! It can feel so lonely when you don't know who to reach out to, but that's exactly what we're here for. Navigating issues with parents can be especially tricky, sometimes I feel like parents forget that adult and teenage problems are just different. Your problems are valid, and I'm sorry you're feeling they're not. It's hard to know if you have it as bad as someone else but at the end of the day just because someone has worse problems it doesn't make yours feel any better. Something you could try is asking one or both of your parents to sit down with you and just listen as you tell them everything that you're feeling. Having them not be able to say anything until you've gotten it all out might be helpful. You could even ask that they just listen and don't say anything at all, that way they can think about it/have it in their subconscious. This could help to remove some of the stress that they might try to use your words against you. I think you'd be pleasantly surprised by the amount of people who genuinely care about you and don't think of you as a burden at all, but I also get that hearing that doesn't help the feeling go away. You could try thinking of a time you've helped them everytime you're feeling like that. For example: I feel like I'm being too much right now, but last night I took out the trash without being asked; or I helped my friend with homework that one time. You're not a robot daughter/sister/friend, and part of being those things is unloading feelings onto people so they can do the same in return if they ever need to. You've got this! If you wanted to talk more ever, I volunteer Wednesdays 6-9. I hope you find some of this helpful and are able to work it out with your parents, take care! -Valerie |
