02/21/2023 - What am I doing wrong
This has been happening for almost my entire life, but recently it's really taken a toll on me. I've always been a lonely kid, and I haven't really had any friends. I try to be funny but i'm always pushed away or made fun of. I've talked to therapists,counselors, and just people in general but it hasn't worked. My mother just pushes me away, I think it's a coping mechanism but that isn't very relevant. I've tried online groups, gaming, reading, studying, art, acting, music, yoga, writing, etc. but nothing seemed to help. I have a healthy diet i exercise and eat okay but I have a horrible social life. Making friends online is easier, but they always leave me within a month and i'm often bullied online as well. Every time I make a friend I obsess over them and make them my everything, and when they leave me it breaks me. Maybe it's some sort of disorder? I just need a hug but I always needed to make some sort of explanation for needing one, and if not they always felt heartless. What's the point of life? We're just small specks in a universe of bigger ones. The universe isn't sentient and us being so is what kills us. When you have nothing there isn't really a point to life anymore. Thanks.
FROM BRI
Hi, It is really good to hear from you and I want to start off with, congratulations. You have officially made a new friend. Because we think you are awesome and you are so worthy of friendship. Secondly, I think you are so self-aware it is amazing. I think you diagnosed maybe some of the difficulties you are having all on your own. And its so difficult waiting to get more friends when you have a solid friend but they might not be ready for best friend status yet. I honestly super struggle with this myself. When I am obsessing over a friend and maybe texting a lot, I try setting timers. I text someone, see how long it takes for them to respond and then I use that amount of time before I respond to their text. If it takes more than an hour or two, I typically just wait until I need to text them or they text me first. I also try to focus on my own stuff and post about it so people can see the fun things I am doing in hopes that maybe they want to join in. I am really sorry you're feeling lonely though, it is tough wanting to hang out with people and not feeling like there is someone to hang out with. What kind of humor do you have? I feel like sometimes my humor lands with some people and not others for sureeeeee, but also I don't think everyone knows when I am joking either though. It is so cool that you have so many hobbies, that is honestly a lot. I really enjoy a lot of those things and thats so cool. What are you into right now? Ugh yeah I hate online bullies and its super hard to engage people online sometimes when you don't get to see them everyday or invite them over. I also feel like sometimes people when gaming are extra mean. And you sounds super normal, honestly, like making friends can be super hard. I mean I am also not a doctor or anything so like I can't diagnose you or anything. Like I know there are social disorders but like, making friends is hard for a lot of people. But that is super hard, it sounds like you really need some heart felt hugs and I really wish we could give you one. I feel like everyone needs a hug for SURE. Did you used to be close with your mom or have you never been super close? You really sounds super smart tho like you would be a great sci-fi writer, are you into sci-fi? But at least for me like I live because whether people like me or not, I think I am a really cool person and I try to be kind to others. If they are mean back, that is really on them but I try to do my best every day. And I think you are pretty similar, you have so many cool hobbies and it sounds like you are really good to your body and self and that is such a strong dedication to self-love. I also don't know how old you are or anything, but like I think that priorities change (or at least I hope so) and like how much you exercise and what you look like versus what is on the inside matters less. But before I end my message I really want to check in with you and ask you if you are considering suicide. We are mandatory reporters, meaning its our job to make sure that someone checks in on you and makes sure you are doing okay. It is really important to me that if you are feeling this alone and thinking about ending your life, that I find someone much more skilled than I (but like we can keep talking obvi) that can make sure they are there for you. Please make sure to let me know, and feel free to call in too. If you decide you want to call in but it is after our hours, please make sure to reach out to the local crisis line, they can be really helpful too. Or we can call the hotline together too. FROM VALERIE
Hello, I think it's really great you decided to reach out. I wanted to start by reassuring you you're not doing anything wrong! It sounds like you've put a lot of thought and effort into making a supportive social life for yourself. It sucks that the people around you haven't been receptive to that, but that doesn't mean you should stop trying. There are so many people to meet and possibilities of friendships that stopping trying seems like the last thing to do! I completely understand how exhausting that gets, and I agree with how there are so many bigger things in the universe beyond us, but we are not those bigger things and these "insignificant" problems and woes are proportionally just as important in our individual lives. When it comes down to it, the little things don't matter so much, and you can't do a whole lot about the bigger things, so you gotta focus on what you can. A social life can be a lot of fun, and I'm 100% encouraging you to go after that, yet don't forget about yourself too! The fun you can have all alone is astounding. You've done so many cool things and I bet you're one of the most interesting people to be honest. I don't exactly know how to describe the feeling but some of my favorite moments were spent by myself just journaling some thoughts into poems and stories or walking around the forest. So days you want to go so something but don't have anyone to go with, choose yourself :) You can never leave you, so might as well learn how to get along with your own body and mind. I wish you the best of luck on meeting new people, loving yourself the most, and am hopeful for some heartfelt hugs in your future <3 Stay strong, and let you be your best friend, because you're the coolest. FROM LESLIE
Hey, I’m really sorry to hear that this has been happening to you, especially recently. I’m glad that you’re still able to take care of yourself physically and all the methods of self care you’ve tried are impressive, that is a huge first step! I agree with your statement about online friends. It’s definitely easier but it is hard to stay close with them. I think that at this point, it’s just that you haven’t found your people yet. It truly is hard to click with people so don’t blame yourself for that. Most people do feel kind of off-put if their new friend makes them their everything, so maybe next time you meet someone you can try becoming part of their friend group! I don’t know how old you are, but usually finding a job with people around your age such as a cafe or somewhere were you can interact with your coworkers can help you meet a lot of new people in a short amount of time! School clubs or any type of group activity are usually a good option too. You also seem to have a nihilistic view on life, but there is a lot of ways that we can use the fact that we’re little specks to our advantage. We are able to say, do, and think what we want with little repercussions from the universe. While this has definitely led people to do bad things, think about all the kind things we can do because within our minds, in a universe where nothing really matters, we’re the most important beings. There’s so many amazing things you can do and so much of a difference you can make. Don’t forget that every coin has two sides, it just hasn’t flipped yet :) FROM MAKAYLA
Hello. I'm glad you decided to reach out to us. I actually very much understand this as I often feel the same way. The most important thing to do is to be patient with yourself and others around you. Really the only thing you can do to make friends is to keep putting yourself out there. Always be friendly and kind. Other people will react how they will and there's nothing that can change that, but anyone who pushes you away is missing out on a good friendship. For bullies, I know it's easier said than done, but you have to teach yourself not to care about the negative things people say. I also struggle with attachment issues with my friends, so luckily I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I'm still working through being ignored by a friend, but I have to keep my head held high and keep on going. I takes a lot of courage to make and lose friends but I believe in you. Feel free to write back if you want or call. Best of luck to you, my friend. 01/25/2023 - why am i like this
Do you every feel like u think something is ur fault? like one day something in u starts making you think everything is ur fault and u start changing. My whole entire life ive been a person who just follows people and does things for other people.I disapoint myparents with everything i do, My stepmom is scared of me and she can barley look at me and i dont even know what i did to hurt her. Everytime i do something i dont realize im doing it and then it turns into a big mess.I get manipulated easily and i hate just watching people take control of me when i know what im doing is wrong but i dont know how to stop it, i try to talk to the school councilor but nothing works anymore.i try different methods but nothing works all i feel is guilt and the need to harm myself but im trying to get clean its working but i just feel the need to. It hurts me seeing other people getting hurt or something and i just stand and watch.Why do people have to be so rude to innocent people cause ever since ive been back to school ive changed for the stupidest reason. When ur an innocent kid and doesnt get into trouble and u start hanging around the wrong people that crushing ur spirit and then u cant even recognize yourself anymore.
FROM LESLIE
hey, I’m really sorry to hear that you’ve been going through this. getting caught in the wrong crowd is really tough but i just want you to know that this isn’t your fault. even though things feel like they’re going downhill, you can always change it! i’m really proud of you for trying to get clean because that is so so hard, and i don’t want you to think you’re a bad person or disappointment because reaching out to us and trying to change is a huge first step. recognizing the people you were hanging out with are bad for you is hard for people to do, and i think finding people who you have fun being with and are positive would help a lot! maybe try joining clubs youre interested in because meeting new people with similar interests would help you get away from bad influences. as for your stepmom, i know this is easier said than done but try talking to her. if you can’t figure out why she’s scared of you, try going up to her or texting her saying you’re trying to change and you want to fix your relationship with her. it’ll mean a lot and if she tells you what was hurting her then you can explain things to her and try to start working on it. you really seem like a kind person from how you were talking about how some people are rude to others for no reason, and it’d be a shame if the people around you weren’t able to see that part of you! if you need any more advice or want some more specifics on anything, you can text or call us while the line is open 4-9pm Monday through Thursday and 4-7pm on fridays :) FROM COREY
Thank you for reaching out to us! There are many people that have these similar feelings about themselves. I just want you to know that I am proud of you. You have been able to recognize a change in yourself and the world around you. You know what you want for yourself. Remember that you are your own person. You have control over your actions and thoughts. Being manipulated or having your innocence be taken advantage of is not your fault. Who you surround yourself with is going to impact you as a person whether you think their actions are good or bad. You are a person worthy of healthy and supportive friendships and relationships. I do not know your relationship with your stepmom, but it might be helpful to try to talk to her about why you think she is scared of you. Some ways to start it might be, "When you have a moment, do you think I could talk to you about something that has been on my mind?" or "I could really use some guidance right now, do you think we could talk?". I do not know for sure if she will want to talk, but it might be worth trying. If you're not comfortable doing that, it is totally ok too. Whatever you feel is right, again you are your own person :). You deserve to be treated well and have support around you. I am sorry that some support systems you have tried haven't worked for you. Getting clean of harm is hard, you are doing so well! That is a very positive change. I am proud of every step you take to become the person you want to be. You can always write us again, call, text, message, or email. Thank you again for reaching out! -Corey FROM MAGGIE
Hey! I'm really sorry that you're feeling like this right now. Life really sucks sometimes, and it can be hard. First, I wanted to let you know that none of this is your fault. From the way that you truly care about your family and want the best for them, I can already tell that you're a genuinely kind and empathetic person. Trust me - the people around you are so lucky to have you in their life. And I'm sorry to hear that there are people who try to manipulate you and take control of you. It sucks that this is happening to you, but again, please keep in mind that this isn't your fault. Anyone else could be just as vulnerable as you are - and you are incredibly strong for being able to realize this manipulation and for wanting to change your situation. If you feel comfortable, maybe consider talking to someone else you trust about what's going on! Counselors are definitely useful, but someone who knows you more personally could potentially help provide you with a different type of support. It's scary when you find yourself changing into someone else, too. It's hard too, when people around you are forcing you to become someone you're not. I encourage you to look outwards, and see if you can find someone who has the same values as you do. Try joining some clubs that interest you at school, maybe, or even just sitting at a new table during lunch. I know that your people are out there somewhere <3 Finally, one last time - none of this is your fault. Your situation doesn't define you. You are brave and kind, and nobody can take that away from you. - Maggie FROM TESSA
Hi there, thanks so much for reaching out. I think everyone is capable of feeling guilt, whether you think you deserve those feelings or not. It sounds like you're a giving and helpful person. Sometimes we have relationships with others that aren't very strong even if we've done nothing wrong, so I think the best thing to do is remind yourself why you're awesome. Writing positive affirmations and saying them out loud helps me, as awkward as it sounds to do. I'm worried to hear you're dealing with self harm. If you ever feel you're in a crisis, please call the suicide and crisis line at 988. Getting clean is hard but you are totally capable of doing whatever you set your mind to. It sucks when you get caught up in the wrong crowd, but I hope you're in a better place now. If not, consider who you want to be around and take steps towards making that change. Again, thank you for reaching out and feel free to message back. 01/25/2023 - JAS
When i do anything i feel like i always do something wrong i miss being able to not worry about stuff and now all i think about is why im even here still, Im dating someone and hes the only reason why im here right now and i dont wanna loose him, ive already disappointed my parents and my friends and i lost their trust and now i cant loose my boyfriend cause if i loose the only thing i have now im gonna loose myself forever. When i talk to people i feel like im being to annoying and then i start yelling and then people think im mean and a horrible person
FROM LESLIE
hi, thank you for reaching out to us! i just want to let you know that you aren’t doing something wrong and the fact that you’re trying to do better shows that you’re not a horrible person. even though you feel that you’ve disappointed and lost your parents and friends trust, i think reaching out to them and trying to rebuild your relationship might help a lot! they most likely still care about you so it might be helpful to try see both sides of your situation, if you’re able to see where they lost trust for you that’ll make it a lot easier to regain that trust :) as for feeling annoying and yelling, try not to get into your own head too much! practicing more self care to calm yourself down and make you more relaxed throughout the day might help with yelling, you’ll feel more calm and won’t feel the need to yell as much. plus if someone is already talking to you, that usually means they don’t think you’re annoying and want to talk to you! just be yourself and try not to overthink your actions because trust me most people don’t notice the things you think you’re doing wrong! if you need more help with self care or trying not to overthink, you can always call or message us while the line is open :) FROM COREY
Hello! Thank you for reaching out to us :). It can be hard to open up about our struggles. So doing so shows how incredibly strong you are. It seems like you care a lot about the people in your life. Sometimes when we care about people so much, the thought of losing them can be really scary. It can bring up a lot of overwhelming emotions. This is totally normal. But it is also understandable how some people might get the wrong idea since they don't know how you're feeling. If a situation does happen where you yell, you could take a step back to slow down the negative thoughts and focus on your breathing. You could then say to the person "I have had a lot on my mind and it has been overwhelming for me. I am sorry for yelling." You don't have to say those exact words, but whatever you're comfortable sharing. One thing you could try if you feel the yelling coming on is counting to 10, 20, or 30 in your head. Then remind yourself of what a great person you are. You seem like such a caring person, that is really special. Reminding yourself of your amazing qualities is so important for your mental health. You could try saying 5 positive things about yourself a day. Setting an alarm might help you remember so it can become a routine. Have you talked to your boyfriend about how you have been feeling? Are there other people you would feel comfortable opening up to about this? It is ok for you to ask for extra support from your loved ones when you need to. Thank you again for reaching out to us! Were here to support you and were sending you lots of positive vibes! You got this :) -Corey FROM MAGGIE
Hey! I'm so glad you reached out <3. I just wanted to first let you know that it's totally valid to think this way. Life is messy, life is complicated, and life is hard. It's okay to not be okay sometimes - it doesn't make you any less of a strong person. And, you know what? You're dealing with a lot, and it's hard to keep everything inside all the time. Just because some of that stress reaches the surface doesn't make you a horrible person. You are incredibly strong for being able to deal with this. I'm sure that there are people around you who understand what you're going through. I'm glad that you have your boyfriend at your side though. If you feel comfortable, maybe think about talking to him about some of this. It can help to just have a listening ear. If you don't feel comfortable talking to him about this though, maybe think about letting your thoughts out elsewhere. Have you tried journaling, or maybe even calling us here at TeenTalk? It can be hard to feel like you're exposing your thoughts to the world, but it's nice sometimes to release all that stress and anxiety so that you can clear your head. Always remember that you are amazing and incredible, and that we are here for you. - Maggie FROM TESSA
Hi! Thanks so much for reaching out to us. That sounds like a really tough thing to go through, and it takes a lot of courage to speak your truth. I'm really glad you have your partner as a support in your life, and hopefully they can see your side of things. It's really hard when the relationships between the ones you love and yourself start to crumble. You're not a horrible person, it sounds like you are experiencing a lot of anxiety and that's not your fault. You deserve peace and happiness. Wishing you the best of luck and feel free to write back!!! 01/13/2023 - ptsd from sexual assulT
my family doesn’t know i was sexually assulted by my cousin when i was 8. it’s been 8 years and his hands are still fresh in my mind. i hate that every one of my reactions to normal day things are a result of what happened. i hate that i’m scared to tell my family. he recently came to christmas after ghosting my family for 5 years and due to peer pressure he ended up hugging me. i don’t even know if he remembers what he did, i don’t want to tell my family because everyone just got him back and everyone forgives him. i developed a new trigger that sends me into a panic attack immediately, it used to just be hugs from behind but now it’s hugs in general. or if my family makes a compliment borderlining sexualizing me. my dad is emotionally unavailable and he doesn’t understand why people “feed their demons”. i don’t think he’s emotionally mature enough to deal with my situation. i’m afraid i’ll never tell my family but i’m just not ready yet, i’m afraid that i’ll never ready. i’m scared about their reaction. this new trigger is taking up my life and it’s bleeding into my school life, i can’t focus on finals, i cry when i get overwhelmed. i’m 3 years clean of self harming but the urge came back 10x stronger out of nowhere. i don’t even care about revenge, i just want to be free of his hands, of the nightmares. i want me back
FROM BRI
I am so very glad that you messaged us. I can’t believe how many levels you are thinking on and how despite the immediate problems you’re going through you are still so dedicated to thinking about others and their responses, as well as looking at how to best keep *you* safe. Everything you are going through is valid. You are so valid. And it's okay to not be okay. And most importantly, I believe you. Even with time, its okay for the trauma and triggers you are feeling to feel fresh again. Often when we are trying to survive something bad that has happened to us, if we can block it out, that helps us survive. And when people come back into our life who makes that impossible, it is okay if you need time to process the things you haven’t been able to process for a while. Even if your family forgives him, you don’t have to. And even if you come to a place where you forgive, you never have to forget. I am so immensely sorry that this is all happening at such a difficult time for you right now. Its hard when your heart tells you one thing and your mind is telling you there is no room for your feelings. But its okay to take a pause. I know when you have so much going on it feels like you are under unimaginable pressures, but its okay to take a breath and take time for you. Your health and well being is of the upmost importance. And you are not alone, I’m here for you. We want to help in anyway that we can. It sounds like your dad is someone you wish you could reach out to, and I am really sorry it sounds like he doesn’t feel like a safe person to reach out to right now. I think a lot of people in my life have felt like that, but often they really just didn’t know how to handle the situation because it can be hard to know what to say to really big feelings and maybe something he hasn’t gone through or how to react with someone he feels really strongly about. I can’t make him a safer person, but I can offer a place that I know about. Its called the YWCA (not the YMCA, this one is for “women” although they help all sorts of people). They have a group of people there who help people who have been victims of assault and they have a hotline that you can reach. I really encourage you to use it because they have been really supportive of me when I have needed them. I think they also have other services too. There number is 360.695.0501. Do you want any help calling? You can always call us during our hours and we can be on the call with you. I just want to make sure someone is there helping you through this because this is a lot to go through on your own and you deserve all of the support in your life. Is there anyone you have told? Or might feel safe talking to? And as far as your triggers, its okay that they are triggers, and it is okay to have a lot of them right now. Everything is re-injuring and you don’t have to worry, with time and healing and hopefully some additional help from supportive people, those triggers will become more manageable. Even if it doesn’t feel like it now. I want you to know there is hope and not to lose it, Sometimes there are a lot of waves of anxiety and panic attacks and learning ways to make it through is all you can do. But you don’t need to worry about telling your family till you feel sure about it and supported to do so. And if you don’t want hugs right now, thats okay too, consent is so important. And if you have finals, I am sure a couple of bad grades will be okay in the long run. Because you’re doing the best that you can do, and that is all that anyone can ask from you. As far as your nightmares, have you tried using calming music and scents to try to combat some of the nightmares? Sometimes if I have my favorite things around me when I sleep it helps even if I only realize it when I wake up. It sounds like you’re not getting a lot of sleep and I just want you to know how strong you are, because all of this is so much to go through with sleep that I am sure you are doing your very, very best right now. And you deserve some really beautiful sleep. I’m not a doctor or anything like that, but I had a friend with really bad nightmares because of ptsd and some of the meds my friend went on really helped they said. I don’t know if that is something you’re interested in but I thought I’d bring it up because it never occurred to me when they brought it up that there were meds for ptsd or nightmares. When you say self-harm, what has helped you in the past? 3 years is so impressive and I am so proud of you !!! That really shows how resilient you are, how despite what has brought you here, you have so many tools to get through this that you probably don’t even realize. Everyone has times of relapse, but I really hope you are safe and not hurting yourself. Not because you are bad if you do, but because I want the very best for you and I wish I could stop all this pain that you are feeling. But I also don’t want it to make it seem like I am trying to stop you from feeling the feelings, because I’m sure there are so many feelings washing over you. No matter how you are feeling, I’d be really honored to be told how you are feeling. I don’t know what “safe” looks like to you but if it is a cozy cafe with cats in the big bay windows with the scent of coffee wafting by and the books all placed on their shelves—then I hope your mind can go there. If “safe” looks like a beautiful beach with the waves crashing into the rocks and the wide expanse of the sea looking back, with the seagulls cawwing as they fly above you—-then I hope you are there. If “safe” looks like a cave where no one dares set foot because it is small and dark and ominous, and only you dare to belong there—then I hope your mind transports you there. I hope to hear back from you, either by e-mail or on the phone. And whatever I, or we, can do, I want to be there for whatever you need. With care, Bri FROM VALERIE
Hello, I'm so glad you decided to reach out about this. It takes a lot to put your story out there, so you should be proud of yourself for asking for support when you need it. And especially for 3 years of no self harm that's amazing! Though I'm so sorry to hear all of these feelings have been getting worse. It feels impossible to "put it all behind you" when that involves forgetting, and all you can do is remember. Telling your family sounds like a huge stressor for you right now. I understand not wanting to tell them, it's a heavy topic not everyone will respond to in a way that's helpful. At the same time, telling someone (a trusted adult/ family member) could allow for a safer feeling environment. What I mean by that is that this person could be there to look out for you, distract you when you're overwhelmed, stick up for you to avoid triggering actions, ect. It helps to have someone that knows what's going on, even if they cant understand, they can be your advocate. That's not something you have to or should feel pressured to do, but it could be helpful before your next family gathering where he could make an appearance. You deserve to be able to hang out with your family, and I guarentee they love you a whole lot more then the guy who ghosted them, so it'd suck if him coming around prevented you from gatherings. Something to maybe think about. Back to the topic of having someone who knows what's up, it's even better to have someone who understands. This way you're not having to explain yourself, your reactions, they get it. A great way to do this is through support groups. I'm not sure how you feel about them, and I've never been to an official one, but I have confided in a friend who was able to share her experiences too and that helped me way more then trying to justify every thought and feeling talking to someone who doesn't know. There's a local one, called YWCA Clark County. I'd really recommend looking though their website as they have a lot of options for those who have been sexually assaulted specifically, and even have a program and group just for teens. If a support group isn't your style or for any other reason, one on one therapy is also an option. If you don't want to mention the assault, you can keep it at needing to talk to someone about constantly feeling anxious. It's still true, and let's you work on coping mechanisms and getting support leaving it up to you to mention it or not. You can talk to a counselor at your school about seeing a therapist if you want to leave your family out of it. YWCA will also find you a therapist. Take care, keep seeking support and know that there are a whole lot of people who want to help. You just have to ask. I know you are capable and want you thriving in the world again! Don't hesitate to reach out to us again. You can text/call/email/dm, anything, and we'll be there to provide the best way we know how ♡ 11/28/2022 - I'm so mentally drained and empty
Recently I've been feeling pretty down. I feel like my family isn't quite there and i'm becoming really lonely. I have a few friends, I enjoy talking to them but they're usually busy. I can't talk about my feelings to my family because my mom turns the vent into an argument and always blames me for my lack of self respect, blaming others, immaturity, etc. I love talking about my feelings with my dad, but my mom makes him tell her exactly what I've said. I've tried multiple counselors (I can't get therapy because of my mother), but I have a very busy and bashful schedule and It never really seems to work in my favor. I often try to talk to my friends about my feelings, but they either push the feelings off or say they don't understand how to deal with them. Plus it feels like I'm putting weights on their back and that only adds to my self guilt. By the time I get to talk to a counselor, I either feel empty or I'm too scared to open up. The last time I fully opened up to them they emailed my mother about possible BPD/Depression and she was incredibly mad at me because she thought I was lying to them. I always attempt to reach out to people, but I'm pretty bullied at the school I'm in and I'm not necessarily attractive. Usually if I ever end up making a friend I get really nervous and either cling for their attention or cut them out of my life. I'm horrible at making plans and/or responding to people. I know I'm not alone but it always feels empty sitting in your room with no friends and no one to talk to. I just feel like there's no one there to talk too, and I'm starting to actually think I might be right.
FROM VALERIE
Hello! My name's Valerie. I'm so glad you decided to reach out to us too. It's never easy and I imagine it gets exhausting but thank you for not giving up! Because you're right, you're not alone, and I'm sorry you've been made to feel like your asking for help isn't being taken seriously. It's so good to hear you can talk to one of your parents, though it's unfortunate your mom is preventing both therapy and your dad from being viable resources :/ If possible, it would be great if you could talk to your mom about the fact that you feel like you can't talk to her, although I understand if you feel like that's not an option at the moment. It's super not cool that your councilor emailed your mom like that, especially without discussing with you first. I can see why you'd be tentative about opening up. I hope you can find the right councilor for you even though it is unreasonably difficult to come by. It might be possible to get pulled out of a class to talk to a councilor or school therapist if you have one like once a week, which might help with scheduling. Definitely worth the ask I think. It's great to hear you do have friends you can somewhat talk to, even if they don't know how to help. Telling them that you just need to vent, or if you want a hug, or someone to hang out with might make it easier for them to better support you. They might genuinely not know what to do, so expressing what you need could be beneficial. It's hard when your friends are busy too! But trying to make time here and there is what really makes it. At least for me it's the best ever when plans finally come together, even if it's just an hour or so. Friends make time for each other and you're not a burden, they're there to support you as you are them. As far as making friends and meeting peers it's certainly a learned skill, and never easy. You already seem to be aware of areas to improve, so keep working at those people skills! Real friends aren't going to care how you look, or if they do it's easy to find beauty in those you care for. I hope some of this helps you out, and again I'm so glad you reached out I hope you do so again in the future if you ever need/want to talk more and take care! Keep reaching out, keep pushing for things you need, you're worthy and never alone. There is always another adult or peer you can reach out too, like us :) FROM DAVID
Thanks for reaching out to TeenTalk. I totally understand where your coming from because it's really hard to have a parent that doesn't understand or support you. It's good that you know your not alone since you aren't, sometimes it feels like it but there's definitely someone who loves you since it sounds like your dad does and I'm sure your mom does to even if her actions might not show it. If you ever feel alone listening to music, watching a show or playing videogames are ways I find help. If you have any hobbies or craft hobbies I'm sure there is an online forum or community you can visit and I'm sure you'll find great support or be able to talk to other people with the same interests and possible become friends with them. If there's any clubs at your school your interested in, that's another great way to find friends or things to do after school. Another idea is to find a community online through videogames since many games have active communities. Finding friends online can be risky but if your careful and know how to be safe online it's really helpful especially since it's much easier, for me at least, and you can find like-minded people very quickly. Another thing I enjoy is taking walks since it helps clear my mind, gives me time to think, and helps me feel better so if exercise if your thing then try taking a walk every now and then. A final idea is to talk with or spend time with a pet or siblings since a pet can't really talk back and they're great listeners who also double as a cuddle item. I think your a great person and very brave since you've done things many people would be too scared to do like approach a school counselor. I hope you find one of my coping tips helpful and know that you are valued! FROM MIA
Hello! Thank you for your courage and writing to us! It sounds like you're feeling pretty lonely and overwhelmed right now, and while I don't know your feelings exactly, I understand where you are coming from. I'm sorry you feel like you have no trusted outlet and that you're having troubles socially. Contacting TeenTalk during our operating hours could be beneficial to you! We can help with your feeling of loneliness, and we can provide support and advice for you! I personally work on Mondays from 5-8 and would love to hear from you! Thank you so much for reaching out! 11/02/2021 - NEEDING HELP
Hi, I am struggling with anxiety and depression and have been for while. I have a therapist but sometimes it's not easy. I'm 13 years old and I have been so stressed and depressed that I can't do anything. Recently some people have been really rude to me, walking all over me a lot. I'm a really strong person but because of how shy I am at school, I can't stand up for myself. My therapist told me it might be a good idea to contact someone who might be able to help me where I feel comfortable without feeling like a disappointment. If you can help out, that would be great. Lately I really just need help boosting my confidence around people when I can't control my depression or anxiety. Sometimes at school you have to talk to people and can't avoid the mental issues. I have a lot of friends who expect me to be put together and I don't have many people to turn to comfortably.
-anonymous :/ From Vanessa
Hi friend!!!! thanks for reaching out thats a huge first step that u could have taken and im super duper proud of you :) we are all here for you no matter what sometimes talking about random things makes you feel better and i so get that. we are more than happy to be here and give u all the confidence boosts and give u all the loveeee. Mental health is sometimes a rough topic to talk about if you're not ready to and i get that sometimes distractions are better than facing the problem. When you are ready tho, ive learned that for myself personally it helps to just sit in my room and talk to myself about it. Ill literally just sit on my bed, turn off the lights, get comfy, and jut have a full on conversation with myself about what's been bothering me and walking myself though it. Its helped me realize that there are somethings in life that i can't change the outcome to no matter how hard i try and thats okay. forgive yourself for not being happy 24/7 thats okay its you trying that matters in the long run. We are all here for u and love you a lot so pls do give us an update one how ur doing :) you're a fighter and realizing you're strong makes u even stronger!!! you can do this!!! call us anytime :) we will be more than happy to listen :))) From Scarlett
Hi there! Thank you so much for reaching out to us. It takes a lot of courage and vulnerability to be honest about what is going on in your life, and I'm so glad you reached out to us! I recognize that it can be really hard to confide in others, especially those you don't know too well. I am really glad that you have a therapist to help you out as well, and even still, I understand that mental health can seem like an uphill battle at times. I've struggled with my mental health as well when I was younger. My father left before I started high school, and it really affected my confidence. I was also diagnosed with both anxiety and depression soon after. Sometimes, it can feel really hard to even get out of bed somedays, so I am so proud of you for being able to go to school. Remember that it is also totally okay to take days off for yourself as you feel the need to in order to take care of your mental health. I relate to you feeling like your friends expect you to be put together. The culture of school and society in general often glamorizes constantly being productive and having "no days off" per se. It's okay to not be together, and to take as much time as you need to in order to feel put together, even if it isn't perfect. You can always reach out to us whenever you would like to talk to someone. It can be easy to not feel confident and overwhelmed, and maybe something you could do is write positive affirmations for you to look at while you get ready for school in the mornings. You could write down phrases such as, "I am strong" on sticky notes and put them on your mirror to read aloud. You could also put reminders on your phone that force you to read them whenever you glance at it. Do you want to have more people in your life you feel comfortable turning to, like close friends? What are some things that you do to cope when you have feelings of anxiety and depression come along? I really hope to hear back from you soon, as I would love to offer support for you along the way. Mental health is a really difficult road to travel alone, and I hope you write back so that we can help be your cheerleader along the way. From David
Thanks for reaching out, I'm David! As someone who has been there before I totally understand how you feel. It's good to find something you enjoy a hobby or activity to relieve stress. For me that's talking a walk. Your a good person and many face these issues so your not alone! Your in no way a disappointment. Something else I know a lot of people find helpful is talking to people online like your doing with me. I know social media isn't the best and it can be dangerous but if you find people you know in person that are good and talk with them it can be easier than talking in person and you can make new or strengthen relationships. Like you said yourself your pretty strong and I believe that you are! There's no reason to feel ashamed of who you are. 09/14/2021 - Eye sensitivity to lights
Hi I was wondering what to do know matter how much medicine I take (and I’m not taking to much don’t worry) I just don’t seem to get better. My eyes roll back like crazy and it just keeps getting worse! Not to mention my body is now moving like crazy too! My mom is trying to get me a therapist, my dad well he and my little sisters don’t really understand it. I’m just so worried about all the other 7th graders noticing at school and how they might react and what they’ll think of me. What do I do!
FROM DAVID
Hello! Thanks for reaching out! I've never been in this type of situation before but I can understand how you feel not wanting to be judged for something you can't control and I can also understand not being taken seriously. This sounds like it's having mental and physical effect so you might want to have an honest talk with your dad about what issues your facing and why they are so important to you. It's hard to open up to someone you don't know but you could also let your teachers or counsellors know. They should be more accommodating and help you if your having difficulties :) It's a completely natural thing you can't control and you sound like a great person so I don't think there's any problems with you and neither should anyone else! – David FROM JOSEPH
Hi, friend! It can be really hard when we’re struggling with something that doesn’t seem to go away, no matter how hard we try, and it sounds like you’re trying really really hard. It sucks when something affects us so much we are just sure other people are noticing and judging us, and it’s so stressful when we don’t know why it’s happening and even more stressful when we feel like no one understands what we’re going through, especially family. Although I don’t have the same experience as you, I do have a small sensitivity to lights too and I’ve had times when my eye would twitch uncontrollably, so I kind of understand how annoying and stressful it can be when eye problems don’t seem to go away. We’re not doctors or anything like that so I can’t tell you what to do. What have you tried? Bonus points if you can name one thing that worked, even just a little bit because every little bit counts. You said your mom is trying to get you to see a therapist, which I’m guessing is to help your body move less, but have you tried talking with an eye doctor about your sensitivity to the lights and how your eyes are reacting? I’m sure they’d be able to help you figure out what’s going on and help you either get rid of or manage your symptoms naturally or help you find the right medication so you aren’t stressed about masking (hiding) them. This would be a good option for the long run, but it might take some time to find the right solution that works best for you so you might have to hang in there. It’ll be worth it when you find a solution though. :) You mentioned that you’re worried about what your classmates might think. What have you tried so far to either stop your classmates from noticing or help yourself not care as much about how they might react or what they might think?
What do you think are the pros and cons of each of these ideas? Maybe there are more ideas you have that I haven’t thought about. All I know is that you know what would work best for you. If you want someone to talk to about this or anything else, just know that we’re here for you and we won’t judge you. We know you’re doing your best and that these things don’t make you any less awesome than you are. - Joseph 07/30/2021 - Not doing so well right now
Recently I've been having a lot of breakdowns and I really need somebody to talk to. I think that my mother is manipulating me and she wont give me any sort of help for my issues like a therapist. I just really need somebody to talk to but I'm not in any sort of rush. Thank you.
FROM MONIKA
hey there ! i'm sorry you're going through that, i know how rough breakdowns can get. I'm super happy that you are trying to access therapy resources, even just reaching out like that is amazing ! Here's a link to our website, it'll show you a list of resources for counseling. There's also a 'topics' sidebar so you can choose resources based on your needs ! https://ccteentalk.clark.wa.gov/resources/category/counseling i'm glad you reached out to us, we love hearing from you !! my name is Monika, i'm here every friday from 4-7 p.m. we're open mondays-thursdays 4-9 p.m, and fridays 4-7. You can call us at 360-397-2428, and you can text us at 360-984-0936. (yeah we have 2 different numbers for texting/calling, it's a little confusing sorry !) I hope you can get the help you need, I'd love to hear from you to see how everything turns out and how you're doing !! stay safe, i hope you had a great weekend ! FROM ASHLEY
Hi! That sounds really frustrating. I'm glad you decided to reach out, that was a big step in the right direction on your part. I've actually been in a similar boat myself lately. It's helped me a bit to keep busy with things I'm passionate about. It doesn't fix everything, but it helps. I hope your situation gets better! <3 FROM VANESSA
Hey :) i so understand where you are coming from and yeah breakdowns suck :( sometimes therapy is a great options and other times it’s a pretty expensive thing. of course us here at teen talk aren’t certified therapists but we are here to be there for you. we are more than happy to help you think of ways to help your situation and to be able to hear you out whenever you want someone to listen. we would love to hear from you again and help you :)))) sending lots of hugs!!! FROM BRI
Hey! I am so glad you messaged us :) It can be really hard when you're going through a lot and don't feel like you're getting the support you need. I think it is pretty brave to be reaching out for help when you need it and that you are interested in seeing a therapist. What has been on your mind lately that has been leading to having breakdowns? Sometimes life is just a lot in general but I'd love to talk more about what's been going on. And why do you feel like your mom is manipulating you? Anyway, I look forward to hearing back and I am sorry you're going through this. FROM VALERIE
Hi! Thanks for reaching out. I'm sorry this is something you have to go through, you can always call us at (360) 397-2428 or text us at (360) 984-0936, we'd love to talk! (We're open 4-9 Mon-thurs, 4-7 friday) But if you were looking for more in person support maybe you have a close friend, another family member, or someone at school, like a counselor or teacher, you can talk to and your mom won't be the wiser. I really hope you get things worked out, you've got this! |
