9/25/2024-fATHER
All the time I get stressed and havd trauma from my dad its an ongoing thing and ruins my sleep because I wake up crying from night mares I don't wanna deal with it anymore
9/25/2024-Thank you for messaging Ask Peppy. Your post is important, and a few volunteers want to take time to write a thoughtful response. Please check back next week for our set of answers. In the meantime, you can call us, 360 397 2428, we would love to chat! If you need extra support reach out to our friends at the SW Washington Crisis Line at 1 800 626 8137. from Kit
Thank you for writing in to teen talk and I’m sorry that things have been so difficult for you. It must be really hard struggling with sleep and nightmares due to the trauma from your dad.
I’m really proud of you for reaching out and talking about this, I’ve had where people in my life have caused me trauma and it can be really hard to open up about it. When I was going through that it took me a long time to open up but it really did help me to start healing once I did. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been having nightmares about it. It really sucks having to deal with the trauma in the day but also at night when it’s time to rest. It can be frustrating wanting to just sleep but having to deal with unwanted emotions and anxiety that come after nightmares. Something that may help with the nightmares is to try something called Image Rehearsal Therapy (IRT). It’s where you reimagine the nightmare but change the details and the ending. I found this to be helpful when I woke up and was really shaken up by my Dreams I would go through the dream in my head but change anything that bothered me about it. I could rewrite the dream and by doing this it helped me to have power over the trauma and take away some of the helplessness I felt after reliving a scary or traumatic experience. You can also always write in or call us at teen talk if you need any support or just want someone to talk to. You can also call or text 988 or reach out to 1.800.626.8137 which is the Southwest Washington Crisis Line. Thank you for writing to us and I really hope that you can get better rest. You are amazing and strong! -Kit from heather
Hi! I’m so glad that you reached out to us! I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. I know that it’s hard. It’s 100% valid to not want to go through this anymore. I wish I could make this easier for you, but everything will be okay. It may feel like your life is in shambles, but you will find a way to get through this. I believe in you. Do you have a safe space at home, or somewhere else, to go to when you’re feeling stressed? Having your own safe space can really help with taking a break from all of the bad and stressful things in your life.
I’m so sorry you’re having nightmares. When we don’t get enough sleep, it can take a huge toll on your physical and mental health. If you keep having nightmares, it may help to talk to a doctor that can help you overcome them. But I really hope you’ll be able to get in some good nightmare-free sleep! We’ll be here for you, every step of the way. You got this. Keep fighting! -Heather from stella
Hey, I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through such a tough time with your dad. It’s totally understandable to feel stressed and overwhelmed, especially when it affects your sleep. If you need resources to deal with the stress and anxiety, our website has a ton of resources specifically regarding coping with stuff like that. Remember, you’re not alone in this, and reaching out for support can really make a difference. If you feel comfortable, talking to a trusted friend or a counselor could help too. You deserve to feel safe and supported! Have an amazing day, and keep being awesome, Stella <3 8/26/2024- Best ways to help my son
Maybe TeenTalk has advice for me. My son sees a counselor each week for his depression. He says he doesn’t need it, and he says it doesn’t help. I know though that his depression has been really bad for the last couple of years. I am going to keep taking him to the appointments but maybe the teens there have other ideas about things I can do to be helpful?
From Dahlia
Hello, I am Dahlia. Thank you for reaching out to discuss this situation. As a teen struggling with anxiety and who has been in therapy before, I understand why your son would say therapy does not help. A lot of times, mental health issues cannot simply be resolved by talking to someone, which in a lot of cases, is what therapy feels like; it feels as if you are not getting the help you need because all you do is talk about your feelings. I believe it is great that you notice he is dealing with depression though. Having a support system is important for every individual, especially those in difficult situations. I highly suggest you try and figure out where his depression stems from; Does he feel lonely? Does he feel insecure? This can help you figure out why therapy may not be working for him, as well as what triggers his depression. I advise you to discuss this with him, and if that does not work, you could ask the therapist about it, but only if your son gives permission to disclose the conversations he has with the therapist. You are doing a great job at trying to help your son, and I am sure he is grateful for your help. Please reach out to us again if you need further advice or if anything else comes up.
from eric
Hi, thank you so much for reaching out! I think I have a pretty good idea of what he's going through, I used to be the exact same way. My problem was I just didn't have the right fit of a counselor. It took a few, but I eventually found the right fit and they helped me a lot! I would suggest asking your son how he feels about his counselor first, and if it's generally positive, then I think he just needs more time. However, if he answers neutrally, negatively, or stand-offish, I would highly suggest switching counselors. I hope this helps! -Eric from sarah
Hello my name is Sarah, thank you so much for taking the time to reach out! The fact that you asked TeenTalk about this really shows that you care a lot about your son. I believe that counseling is a good thing and can help to improve a kid's mental health in many cases, but if your son is against it and says that it is not helping, that is a different story. Something that can help a lot if your son does not want to opt for counseling to seek help is just generally providing him with multiple options and plans of action to seek help. Resources such as support groups, therapy, and other counseling options can help. Vocalizing feelings is a great thing as well and asking him about what he wants to do in order to help to find someone to aid him in his struggle with depression will allow for great communication and achieve what he actually wants to do. Again, thank you for reaching out to us and please keep us updated about what happens, and also on what outcome or resources you decided to turn to. Thanks, Sarah. From Emma
Heyy! I’m Emma, thank you for reaching out to us! It is amazing if you reach out and try to find a solution for your son. Personally I felt therapy is a great choice to battle depression. But for some teenagers being in therapy can make them feel like they have some kind of problem, so it can lead them to feel uncomfortable and somewhat annoyed. Some ways to help are to try to take baby steps, talk to them first of how they are feeling about therapy, you can reach out to some people that they are close to and are able to talk about their issue. During that time, always check up on them if they are doing alright, after they open up a bit, talk to them about therapy and how you care about them. You can always reach out to teentalk if they want to talk with someone their age! Once again thank you for racing out to us if you have more questions, don’t hesitate and contact us again!!! -Emma-
from may
Hi! I’m May. I’m so glad you reached out, I think it’s really wise of you to seek advice from the youth at TeenTalk, and I find it really admirable that you’re doing so. In my opinion, therapy has helped me and I think going to therapy can be helpful for anyone, so it’s good that he’s doing so. One thing that I know could help is just letting him know that you’re there for him and that there’s other people there for him if he wants someone to talk to. You could always refer him to TeenTalk, his counselors and teachers at school, and anyone else in his life that you think he may feel comfortable talking to about his depression. I’m sure it’s something you’ve thought about before, but it’s also good to know the warning signs of when he’s struggling. Things like isolating himself, not taking care of himself (not eating/sleeping enough, poor hygiene etc.), and decreased interest in activities that he enjoys are all examples of that. Another thing I think may be helpful is to make sure that he has peers he can talk to as well. Making friends can be hard so it’s understandable if he has trouble with friends. There’s a lot of resources in the area to make friends, and I will link some below. I wish you luck and don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything else! Resources: https://ccteentalk.clark.wa.gov/resources/category/friends -May 8/12/2024- Nightmares
i've been having nightmares on and off for about 2 weeks now, almost having them every single day. i don't know why but every time I go to sleep it's like a gamble as to wether i'll wake up disoriented and completely off for the rest of my day. hell, even right now I'm writing this to avoid going back to bed because I know they happen in my second half of sleep, and I don't want to have another one. I've told a few of my friends, but I just don't want their pity. I don't want to just be told “Im sorry” and think that'll fix it. One of my friends brought up that there's probably a bigger underlying issue, which there probably is, but it just feels like 1-2 weeks isn't really enough to say. Granted that friend also just has a chronic nightmare disorder, so I understand where they're coming from. I know it sounds lazy but I don't necessarily want to put in the work to get better, I just want them to stop. I don't want to wake up feeling like I have to vomit every night because of how sick these dreams make me. I don't want to have to check to make sure that, no, those bad things didn't actually happen, your brain just likes lying to you. I had to check wether or not I had shingles last night because that was part of my dream. I still will put in the work, don't get me wrong, but I don't want to. and I don't want to keep telling my friends the same thing. when they ask how'd I sleep, I don't want to constantly tell them that, I didn't sleep well. and when they ask why, I have to give them the same answer. and I know how depressing that is to hear! I don't want to do that to my friends! and it's barely something any of them can help with. I've told family, friends, my partner, but I guess sharing it doesn't make it go away. Augh. I should probably go back to bed before the sun rises. from heather
Hi! I really appreciate you reaching out. Your feelings about this are valid and it’s okay if you feel like sharing isn’t helping you feel better. Everyone is different and sometimes people prefer to problem-solve than talk it out with someone. Both are valid ways to cope with your struggles! I don’t think it sounds lazy for you to just want the nightmares to stop. They’re really frustrating and frightening, and it’s totally okay if it feels too overwhelming to put in the work to tackle your nightmares. I’m not educated on nightmares so I can’t offer much advice, but I hear your struggles and care about your well-being. If your nightmares continue to persist and you’d like some help dealing with them, you could bring it up to a medical professional and see what they recommend. We’re always here to provide a listening ear or to offer resources that may be helpful. I hope you have an amazing day and I wish you the best of luck :) from stella
Hi there! Thank you so much for reaching out! The first thing you should know is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and this isn’t your fault, whatsoever. Nightmares are unfortunately a really common thing for some people. As someone with insomnia, I can relate to having issues with sleep, to an extent. Personally, when I’m having trouble falling asleep, whether from insomnia or recovering from a nightmare, I try to practice self care, and do something that makes me happy. Whether it be listening to music, reading, or playing with my dog. Psychologically speaking, most people’s nightmares happen as a result of unresolved trauma, and can really be helped by talking through the content with a therapist. If you aren’t quite comfortable with a recurring therapist, there are plenty of helplines, both on a local and national scale, that you can call, text, DM, or email into for support. Of course we’re here, but if you’re looking for something else, you can text the national crisis hotline at 741-741, or call at 988, or any other resource of your choice. We have a whole list on our website, if you’re looking for a place to start. As for your friends, I know trying to talk to them can sound really hard, but if you tell them, they can be there for you. Just know, no matter what you choose to do, this does not define you. You are an amazing, strong, brave person. If you ever need a reminder of that, feel free to reach back out. We’ll be here, ready to support you in any way you need. Sincerely, Stella <3
from quinn
Hello, I'm Quinn! Thank you so much for writing, it takes a lot of courage to reach out to us. Those nightmares seem really frightening and difficult. I don't have many tips because I don't know any of the details, but if you want to share more you can text or call a volunteer. You can call at 300.397.2428 and text at 360.984.0936. We also have an email [email protected] and we have facebook, instagram, snapchat, and twitter @peppypenerson. We are open Monday through Thursday 4-9 and Friday 4-7. Talking might still be helpful, we could give further advice, or if you just wanted to vent. You could try to calm down before you go to bed by listening to relaxing music with our words or reading a book, or anything else you like to relax. But mainly steering away from things that could be used in your nightmares, like action packed shows or video games. I know that you don't want to bother your friends but they probably don't mind hearing about your nightmares. If you're really concerned you could ask them if it bothers them and ask them to stop asking about your sleep. My shift is Monday 4-7 if you want to talk! I hope any of this helps, good luck! from vanessa
My name is Vanessa and I think you're really brave for reaching out. I don't really understand the frustration of having consistent nightmares but I do know they are scary, so I've tried wrapping up all my favorite blankets and stuffed animals and that works for me. We have resources on our websites for mental health which can give you an outlet to talk through your nightmares and hopefully can help. Your friends care about you and want the best for you, and that doesn't mean they don't want to hear about your tough times. You are brave and I believe you have the strength to get past the bad dreams. Love, Vanessa from mia
Hello, thank you for reaching out! I understand how tough it can be to deal with nightmares. It can be difficult to get over this but it can be started by taking some steps in that direction where you slowly get over having these nightmares. I think that the first step could be to identify what is causing these nightmares. I’m not an expert, but sometimes dreams can correlate with issues that you have in your real life that may not seem to have an obvious correlation. Once you identify the issue, figuring out ways to solve the issue could reduce the amount of nightmares you have. Another way you could help yourself is by doing things before bed that distract you from your nightmares. It could be watching TV, reading a book, or anything that gets your mind away from the fear of having another nightmare each night. It definitely is hard to move in the right direction, but it will take effort and time. Don’t worry though, I’m sure it will go away slowly with time. Mia
from marley
Heyyy, thank you for messaging us. This sounds like it really must be difficult and I can see why you may feel beyond disoriented and upset, it’s incredibly valid to feel that way and I can’t imagine how difficult it might be to deal with something like this so suddenly. However, I do think it’s important to establish that everything you’re feeling right now IS normal even though this is a difficult and likely incredibly stress-inducing, everything you’re feeling and experiencing is valid and rational. And while I may not know what it’s like to experience vivid nightmares like this, I do know what it’s like to experience anxieties regarding similar things and I know that’s never a fun thing to deal with. I hope you know this is a safe place to reach out to and a volunteer here is always here to talk to you if you ever need/want and further support! I wish you the best, Marley. 05/02/2024 - HELP
Recently I was sexually assaulted. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t told anyone. What if I’m pregnant, it’s too early to know but considering the situation it’s very likely that i am. Even though it’s completely irrational I feel like it’s my fault or because of something I did. I don’t even know I just feel lost. I got home after and didn’t tell anyone about what happened and I threw away the clothes I was wearing and took a shower. My skin is still irritated because no matter how much i scrubbed my body I didn’t feel clean. I just feel fucking lost i don’t know what to do.
from may
Hi! I'm so glad you contacted us. That sounds like an incredibly hard situation and it is so brave of you to ask for help. I understand how hard it is, but I think it would be best that you speak with someone about what happened. Whether it is a professional or a close friend, talking to someone you know could help you a lot. You could also talk to your school counselor, or another trusted adult at school. I understand you're worried about pregnancy, that's a really hard situation and I'm sorry. I know if you need a pregnancy test, Walmart and Dollar Tree have cheap ones for only a dollar or two. In addition, there are also several pregnancy clinics where you could get cheap or free pregnancy testing. One is Planned Parenthood, and another is called Options 360 and they offer free pregnancy testing. Keep in mind that if you are over the age of 13 and live in Washington state, you have access to reproductive and mental health care without permission from your parents. It may also be a good idea to get tested for STDs/STIs, which you can do at those two clinics I mentioned. I am so sorry that you're going through this and I wish you luck and that you feel better. If you want to get more support, the YWCA has resources for survivors of sexual assault. They have support groups that are awesome as well. I've found that it's nice to make friends and have a support system that has been through similar things to you can help, so I think that would be a great option for you! I really hope you feel better and I hope I could help. Thank you and I hope you can contact us if you need further support 😊 From ash
Hey, you are not to blame, it’s not your fault. You aren’t being irrational or crazy, it’s a natural response by your brain to try and connect your actions with a traumatic event so it can try to avoid the event again, but that doesn’t make it your fault, it’s just your brain trying to find patterns even when there aren’t any. I’m really proud of you for being brave enough to tell us about this. Feeling lost is normal, and even if it doesn’t feel like it, eventually you’ll be able to heal and recover from this. It’s scary, but I think that you should see a medical professional, not just because of a possible pregnancy, but also to treat any injuries from the assault and refer you to a specialist for recovering from such an event, and your options if you are pregnant. I believe that you can do it, even if it seems small, just reaching out to us was a big step, and I’m incredibly proud and grateful. I don’t know what city you’re in, but you should be able to get more support from any of these organizations I found. You deserve more help and support that we at TeenTalk alone can provide without any further details. We would love to hear from you again, to vent, get specific resources, talk about your day or the TV show you’re watching right now. Even if everything feels overwhelming, confusing, or frightening right now, I promise that one day you will be okay, and TeenTalk will always be here to listen and share resources and advice. <3 Ash from jen
Thank you for reaching out and you’re incredibly brave and strong for doing so. It’s okay to not know what to do. I think you should consider telling someone you trust about this so you don’t have to keep it inside of you; but I’m really glad you turned to teen talk for support. I found something, from Pennsylvania. And, Massachusetts, that could be helpful regarding your question about possible pregnancy. Everything you feel is completely valid and it’s okay to be overwhelmed or feel lost. Those are all really natural reactions in this situation but I also want you to know that it is not your fault. You are not responsible for someone else’s actions and you hold no fault from any kind of assault. Something that might possibly help while taking showers is to sing or listen to your favorite playlist or audio book. Then during the shower you can try to relax a little more without thinking about scrubbing yourself so hard. To feel clean maybe get some really good smelling soap( or shampoo, lotion, hair product etc….. whatever you fancy) then you can smell and remind yourself that you are clean and maybe even try calming scents like lavender. Sometimes it’s the little things that help the most to just get in a better headspace. You can also reach out to the “National Sexual Assault Hotline: Confidential 24/7 Support” if you ever need support or want advic. I’m really proud of you for seeking support and guidance from teen talk. I really wish I could just send you a box full of rainbows and happiness right now. You can always come here and talk to me, Jen, or any of the other awesome volunteers who would be happy to talk with you for whatever reason you want. Please remember that you are allowed to struggle. You are allowed to talk about it or not talk about it. You aren’t alone but it’s okay to feel that way sometimes. Feel your feelings and know that you are loved. from eric
Hi thank you for reaching out. I am so sorry you experienced that and you're going through this. It's important to know that what happened to you is not your fault in any way. You didn't deserve it, and you're not to blame. It's natural to feel lost, confused, and even guilty after such a traumatic experience, but please remember that those feelings are common reactions to trauma and don't reflect reality. First and foremost, your safety and well-being are paramount. If you haven't already, consider reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, or a support hotline like RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) or a local sexual assault helpline. Talking to someone you trust can provide emotional support and guidance on what steps to take next. Being concerned with pregnancy I would highly recommend you seek medical help. A healthcare provider can offer you options and support, including emergency contraception if needed. They can also provide resources for counseling and support services to help you cope with the aftermath of the assault. Remember, you're not alone in this. There are people who care about you and want to help you through this difficult time. You deserve support, understanding, and healing. Please don't hesitate to reach out to us again. from jon
Thanks for contacting us. I am so sorry that to hear that this has happened to you. You are not alone in this, and you and you are at no fault whatsoever. You deserve to move on from this in a healthy way, and it is important that you take care of yourself and seek out necessary support during this time. I understand why this would be so traumatic, and I think it may be worth considering to speak with a healthcare professional about this to make sure that you are safe. There is a potential risk of pregnancy or an STI after a traumatic event like this occurs. There are people and resources who want to help you in a time like this. Here are some resources for health services and here are some low-cost healthcare resources. You can also check out RAINN, which hosts many resources, including a hotline and chatline: National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800.656.4673. Also, if you have a trusted support group or adult who you can speak to about this, it may be important that you address this with them, whether it is a trusted friend, adult or counselor. It is important that you have support from trusted people you are willing to speak about this to. Most importantly, you. Your feelings are totally valued and you deserve to move on from this in a safe way. I understand if you feel lost right now, but you deserve all the care that you need. You could try speaking with a professional if this has impacted your mental health as well. I hope that you can move forward from this, and you have my full support. from hailey
Hey, I'm so glad you reached out this is a big deal and definitely was something that needed to be brought to light. I think you should try to tell a trusted adult as they could provide insight and lots more help I'm so sorry that happened it can be really rough and its something that too many teens have experienced. Taking a pregnancy test as soon as one is available to you would be great. From stella
I completely understand where you're coming from. As someone who has personally experienced very similar things, I can tell you a couple things. For one, it does get better. It's going to take a while, and your progress won't be linear, but eventually this will pass. In my case, it took me several years to be able to even look certain people in the eye again, but now that I've learned to cope with what happened, I'm in a much better place. Unfortunately, it's not just going to happen overnight. It's going to take a lot of thinking, and unfortunately a lot of reflecting on what happened to you. It's going to be hard, but I believe in you. You're so strong, and you can do this. If you do end up being pregnant, it's completely okay for you to access Planned Parenthood, and learn about the process for an abortion or whatever decisions you want to consider. Confidentiality is also upheld, so your parents don't have to know at all. I know you must be feeling incredibly scared, and I want you to know that that's a very valid emotion. This is a really scary situation. But you're doing an amazing job. You've already taken the first step, in reaching out for support. We're here for you, no matter what. Please don't be afraid to reach out for support if you need it. Please remember that you are an amazing human. Something bad happening to you does not in any way make you a bad person. You're doing an amazing job, and you are loved. Have an amazing day! <3 FROM DAHLIA
Hi, I am Dahlia. I am so sorry you lost something important from you by force. You were not at fault for what happened, and you never will be to blame for this. Despite what happened, you are still clean. I also understand why you are afraid to tell someone, but I think it is important to lean on someone like a parent or guardian to ensure that you have a support system and to also tell them who did this to you. I know that sounds uncomfortable, but I've seen on social media that a lot of individuals who went through this situation feel relief when they spoke to someone close to them and also told a loved one who it was that assaulted them. If you are able to visit a doctor I suggest you do so as well so they can test you. It could be comforting to have at least a doctor know what you went through, especially because confidential information like this is between you both. What happened was not your fault, and you are still a human who deserves happiness, peace, and healing. From Kimberly
Hey, this is Kimberly. I am so sorry that happened to you. Thank you so much for reaching out, I know it takes courage. We are here to help. The first thing I'd like to say is that I know an EXCELLENT resource for help, especially with the pregnancy concern. The YWCA has a sexual assault program, and I have heard great reviews about it. Secondly, I have a question: why do you believe that it is your fault? Although I personally have never been legally sexually assaulted myself, I'll let you know that once in my life, over 1 year ago, I was lied to and exploited sexually by someone. From my sorta-similar experience, I know that not being the only one can be comforting. Although mine was not legally an assault, reading your feelings reminded me so much of my own. I can relate to the "irrational guilt" and feeling lost. Even though of course, everyone's experiences and emotions are unique. Your feelings are absolutely valid. I'm not going to give you advice, because something I've learned from my somewhat similar experience is that there is no real way to "get over it". It's not like other types of emotional problems in that way. I remember how I suppressed all my memory and emotions about the experience for about half a year, but it still never went away. After so much time, I did eventually cracked one day and finally break down. You may have good days and you may have bad days. Some days you may feel absolutely horrible about it, while other days you may just completely forget it ever even happened. When you do feel horrible about it, I'd personally recommend journalling all about it, or talking to a trusted friend or support line/hotline. Suppressing it does not take away the pain . But expressing it may soothe it- even just a little bit. Please feel free to reach out to me. My shifts are on Fridays, 4-7 PM. -Kimberly P.S. I recommend listening to the song Kristy Are You Doing Okay? by The Offspring. 01/03/2024 - I've tried.
Throughout my whole life I've always felt as if my thoughts or voice meant nothing. I've been in many different friend groups, all resulting in my trust and empathy for people to rapidly decline. From each liar, manipulator, attention seeker, and pity party to the next. I constantly find myself in tears over a problem I feel I had caused that barely had anything to do with me whenever I lost someone. I'm always exhausted from even one conversation and have sometimes resorted to self harm at even the littlest mistake. I've tried talking to people before, including my parents, my mom never takes me seriously and my dad just tells me to "stop being dramatic", those words being drilled into my head since I was five every time I shed even a single tear in front of my parents. It doesn't help that I have very few friends in general,all of which are either too busy, too distant, or dealing with their own difficulties and I don't want to pile on with my own stuff. In my life, it's kinda like I'm the only one in the room who doesn't matter to anyone else in the room, like no matter how loud I yell or how many shoulders I tap I can never even catch a glance from the people around me, even if they are my closest friends. I can personally say that my whole life I've been left to my own defenses as I grew up, even creating a whole new family in my head filled with dragons, monsters, demons, and all kinds of crazy new creatures just so I could feel like I fit in even just a little somewhere, because it seems no matter what I do, no matter what I try, I'm just always that one kid who nobody even knows his name.
From Ash
Hey there, it’s awful that your voice has gone unheard for so long. I’m glad that you gathered the courage to vent your frustration and message us. Constant dismissal of your emotions and experiences, combined with the guilt that comes from taking on the emotional burden from those around you is difficult to persevere through. A few things that have worked for me when feeling overwhelmed with emotions such as guilt and sadness all involve distractions of various sorts. Running your wrists under freezing cold water can help shock your nervous system out of the depressive slump, as well as satisfy the need to shock your nerves without having to cause harm to your body. Turning on a youtube video and playing a logic based game (such as a match-3 game like candy crush) can also keep your brain occupied and distracted, allowing you to stop spiraling. I don’t know your whole situation, so I can’t say I know exactly how you’re feeling, but I do know the feeling of bottling up and suppressing my own issues in fear of bothering others. Escapism has always come naturally to me, and I relate to finding comfort in a fictional family. I would recommend reading the Wings of Fire book series, as it fills the found family and fantasy elements you seem drawn to. You can always come vent to me or any of the other volunteers at TeenTalk, no one deserves to feel guilty for having needs or have them dismissed, be they social, emotional, or physical. You deserve to be supported and have your voice heard and acknowledged. You deserve to be heard, and we want to hear you. You can always message, call, or submit another ask peppy about anything, serious or not. We’ll always be here to listen to you vent, rant about your current interests, or about your day. <3 Ash From Jen
I’m sorry that things have been so hard. It sounds like a lot to be thinking about all the time. I’m really glad you were able to reach out and talk about your feelings, I know that it can be really hard to do that sometimes. I also know that I can’t fully know what you’re going through since I’m not you but parts of your message reminded me of ways I have felt before. It’s sucks feeling like everything is your fault and not fitting in even when you try really hard to. I grew up trying to please everyone but in the end I couldn’t be someone else and I had lost myself. I still struggle to know if I’m being myself or if I’m still pretending to be someone else. I think a lot of people struggle with identity and even people who ‘fit in’ feel lost and not good enough. That doesn’t justify if they hurt you or other people but it can help to know that we’re all kind of just trying to figure out how to be human. But there are people out there who I’m sure would love to be your friend. I found some really kind and understanding friends when I was able to meet people who had the same values I did. I met them at church but there’s a ton of other places to meet people. Whatever you are interested in you can find a group of people (sometimes they are like hidden treasure and can take time to find) who would vibe with whatever you are into. Sometimes they find you. Keep being you and live your life in a way that you can see how important and awesome you are. Some days also just suck and that’s fine too. A family of dragons, monsters, demons, and other creatures honestly sounds really cool. Families can be hard and sometimes they can make things really difficult so it helps to know that you are your own person and you aren’t responsible for how they feel about you or your problems. You know how you feel and if other people don’t get it it doesn’t make the struggle any less real. I hope things can get better and that it’ll be easier to deal with the hard things in your life. You got this! And if you ever want to talk, me and any of the other awesome volunteers at teen talk would be more than happy to. From Anna
Hi, thank you so much for reaching out to us. I am so sorry that you feel this way, and I want you to know that you do matter and to not feel too bad over all the things that have happened. It is true that sometimes you have to learn to rely on yourself, and I am proud of you for doing that, but it is also important to have close friends to talk to. If you feel that your closest friends aren't listening, you could try to have a conversation with them about how you feel, because friends are supposed to be there for each other. I am also so so proud of you for trying and the efforts you have put in, I know it cannot be easy. I know that there are some people that you might not get along with, but I would also encourage you to try to see the positive qualities of those around you. It is often hard to find someone who you feel you can fully trust and understand each other, but sometimes you just have to keep trying and believe that someone is out there like that. You could try to showcase your positive qualities and genuine self, and you will meet the type of people that you can rely on. Don't worry if you feel that it is hard to find those types of people, and remember to also be comfortable by yourself, you can also be your own source of comfort and confidence. Please don't hurt yourself over the mistakes you've made, just learn from them and move forward. I wish you the best of luck, and please do not hesitate to reach out in the future! From DAhlia
Hello, thank you for being comfortable to share this. When someone becomes distant from you or you feel left out it does not mean there is something wrong with you. I am also lonely and never go out with anyone. When I do meet someone I tend to think the worst of myself: "what if they dislike me?" "will they end up fading away from me like the other people I met before?" and other such questions that only bring out negativity. Because you have been around people who distance themselves from you or who make you feel left out, you have probably grown a mindset that makes you feel bad about yourself. But you are an amazing person, and you just haven't found the right people who make you feel loved. Because love is something so precious, it can be hard to find. True friendships are supposed to be filled with love, but it can be difficult to find. Parents tend to be cold sometimes as well, and since they are around you most of the time it is likely they have not taken the time to think about your feelings. I know you said you have tried talking to them, but I hope that you are able to speak deeply about your feelings with them so they can realize you are feeling alone and like you do not belong, even with them. Do you have any hobbies or topics you like? Maybe like a tv show you like? There are usually events for everything! You could try going to one to connect with people who share the same interests. But even if you do go and you don't meet anyone, remember there is nothing wrong with you. It takes time to meet people and grow a friendship with them. I am grateful I got to answer your message, and I know other people will love meeting you as well :) From Stella
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through all of that. As someone who also grew up in an environment where outwardly showing emotions that weren't perceived as good ended up as detrimental, I can tell you you're definitely not alone. I still find myself constantly apologizing over the smallest things, not just with family, but friends as well. As for the issue of your friends, I find it can always be good to at the very least let them know when something's going on. They might not be there in the moment, but if they really do care about you, (and I assure you they do), they'll find the time to ask about it. The most important thing to remember in times like those is that you aren't a burden to these people. Your family and friends all love you, and they're all there for you whenever you need them. Asking is often the hardest part of getting help. But once you overcome the initial hurdle, the help you receive is infinitely more rewarding. And as for your family of dragons and monsters and all things fantastical, I encourage you to keep them close. Keeping in touch with different versions of ourselves as we age can prove to be very influential, especially when healing is needed. It's much easier to see how far you've come when you know where you started. Even I have dragons and fairies in my head that I turn to when no one else will listen. They've helped me through some of the toughest times in my life, whether I was having a rough day, or grieving a loss. I promise you, someday, you WILL find people you can be yourself around. And when you do, it will all be worth it. But for now, escaping to a fantasy world every now and then could be exactly what you need to make it through the day, and that's perfectly okay. It doesn't matter if other people think you're too old for them. What matters is the effect they can have on you. Thank you so much for reaching out. I know how tough it can be, and I'd like to say that you're very brave. Have a lovely day, and we're always here if you need us. Until next time <3 From David
Your voice does matter. It might feel like that now but you have to remember that you matter and so does your voice. Friends do come and go and I've also been part of many many friend groups so I kind of know how you feel and it's so frustrating to have no one you can fully trust. Parents dont help either because there's pressure to live up to their standards or make them proud. expressing your concerns and thoughts is not "dramatic" and you should feel validated for the feelings you're having. If you can you might want to try to talk to a school counselor or find somewhere for therapy because I know those both help a lot. I also like to take walks outside to calm myself down or do some art or something I enjoy doing in my freetime. You're not crazy and it's ok to feel alone but you're not. At times it feels like it but you are loved even if you don't realize it right now or know by whom you're loved. Not every problem is your fault and you know that but sometimes it does feel like your responsible even when you're not. Thats ok and normal but maybe you could find a way to take your mind off things, maybe doing a hobby you enjoy or sleeping. Sleeping always helps. I hope you know how brave you are and that you keep going because you're important now and always will be!
From BRI
Friend, I know all too well what you mean. Friendship is such a loaded concept and I think it can be really difficult, especially in the winter when most people are at their worst. I feel like everyone's anxieties and sadness come out extra in the winter and when everyone is dealing with such big feelings, people often don't have the mental capacity to be a good friend. But it can also be the time when you need a friend the most. My favorite quote or maybe it was a saying or just something I heard somewhere is "wait to find someone who's demons play nicely with your demons". And I think its really true, we all have one but I think it can take a long time to find that friend that has their ups and downs at a convenient place as your own, or that can go through those emotions without bringing you both down even farther. I think we all have times when we can lie, manipulate, and seek attention and maybe not to the same degree but I think that sometimes good intentions don't always work out when you're mentally in a bad place. I'm sorry that people have not been their best though, you deserve people in your life that are being their best selves. It can be really hard when it feels like adults and parents don't really *get* it or don't know how it feels to be alone in your own head. But I want you to know, I hear you, and I hear you in this room yelling and you aren't alone. I'm here. And I see you. And I think it is pretty great that you have dragons and monsters and demons and all sorts of creatures in your head because that is pretty amazing. And I think you fit quite perfectly right here. |
