02/06/2024 - REJECTION
Today (at the time of writing this) I was rejected by this guy I liked and it hurts cause it’s the 4th time I’ve been rejected and I really liked him and even though I’m a guy myself I didn’t think anything was wrong and I thought it would work out because he’s pansexual and a sweet guy and I’m bisexual but I guess it was not meant to be and I’m hopeless that I’ll meet a person who will want to date me and they could be my boyfriend or girlfriend I hope I meet someone but I doubt it’s gonna happen to me :(
fROM bRI
Hi there :) I am really glad that you wrote to us today. I am sorry that you are going through this. It can be really hard to find someone to date and I feel like it can be really difficult to keep up your spirits sometimes. Its amazing to think that there are so many people in the world but that its expected that you could probably find someone who completely gets you, and like lives a few miles away. I really believe in you and that there is someone out there who will really get you, because it sounds like you are a truly amazing individual. And I am really looking forward to the day that someone realizes all your utter greatness and glory because I know that day will come and that you deserve that day. And even if this person wasn't the one, that doesn't dim your greatness. Because you are the best you that anyone could ever hope for and I think that's pretty great. I hope you also take some time to be kind to yourself. It can be hard to do that after being rejected but you deserve self-care. You deserve to tell your self some kind words, a little spa treatment (whatever that looks like to you whether it is washing your face, a shower or massaging your temples), a little walk to see the beauty around, or just accepting that maybe staying in bed is the best that today will be but hopefully you can put some cozy clothes on or wrap up in a soft blanket. Whatever self-care looks like to you, I really hope you are kind to yourself. From May
Hi! I’m so glad you contacted us! First of all, I’m so sorry that happened to you. Rejection is a hard thing and in my experience it just sucks. It’s not your fault and it is perfectly okay and normal to feel upset about it. As for not thinking you’ll meet someone, you have plenty of time ahead of you to meet someone special. There are so many people out there and I’m sure you will find someone that makes you happy. I would suggest finding something to do that makes you happy, like doing an art project, talking with you friends, going for a walk, or playing with your pet. I hope you feel better and I encourage you to call or text us :) From Eric
Hi thank you for reaching out. I'm so sorry to hear that that's happened. I just want to tell you that I personally have had a lot of experience with rejection myself as well, and for a while, I also felt that I was hopeless. But it's a important to recognize how brave it was to tell a person how you feel in the first place. It's really scary, and even if their reaction isn't how you hoped it would be, and you thought they were "the one" or something like that, there will be others, and you just have to keep being brave, and believing in yourself! -Eric From Jen
I’m sorry that things didn’t go as you had wished with the boy you liked. It’s sucks when things don’t work out especially when you really admire someone. I get how it feels hopeless (similar thing happened to me recently) and it hurts a lot. It might hurt a lot for a while, I know it does for me, but there’s like 8 billion people on earth and I think multiple millions of people in just one state. Besides that cheesy statistic I suppose what I’m trying to say is that there’s so many awesome people all around us. I’m sorry that you haven’t found your person yet and rejection can make it feel really hard to want to find anyone. Especially at school. But if you keep just being you, sometime someone is going to see that and admire you. Even if it’s just a friend who admires you, that’s someone who sees how awesome you are and wants to be around you because it makes them feel good. It’s way easier said than done, I’m still not over a boy who rejected me like a year ago but it is so much easier than when it first happened. I still like him but we’ve come to a point where we can be friends and talk sometimes. So it ended up alright and I bet as time goes on things will go however they go and as long as I do my best to be positive I’m sure things will all be okay. I hope that in time everything will end up okay for you too. I’m glad you reached out to teen talk, if you ever want to talk about it, me or any of the other amazing volunteers would be happy to do so. I’m Jen and I believe in you! You seem like a really cool person and I’m sure other people see that in you too! Some days will still be hard but there will be some pretty epic times too, you’ve got this!! From Ash
Howdy! It sucks to hear that your feelings were rejected, especially when it seems to happen over and over. In my experience there doesn’t have to be anything wrong with you, the other person, or the relationship for it to not work out. People are complex, and there’s a million different factors in our lives that affect our actions and desires, sometimes people just aren’t interested or don’t have the time to enter a romantic relationship. Platonic relationships are just as important as romantic ones, and sometimes romantic feelings are only able to emerge after you’ve gotten to know someone and become their friend. You are not hopeless, and you’re completely deserving and worthy of love, it just takes a while to find it. <3 Ash From Jack
Hello! I'm glad you reached out! Rejection can be really hard, especially when we're invested, but you also can't always predict it. Sometimes things just don't turn out as we hope, and it sucks. But! There are billions, upon billions, of people in the world! It can be hard to find the right person for you, but there's gotta be someone out there. As they all say, there are many fish in the sea!! That being said, you're still in the early years of living! And that means you have plenty of time to find a person you 'click' with. I imagine you have lots of love to share, but you mustn't forget to also extend that love to yourself! From KIMBERLY
Hello, I'm Kimberly! Thanks for reaching out, we are always happy to help! I'm sorry you're going through that. It sounds like you are going through a lot of pain, which is absolutely valid. Rejection can sting. But just because you're not one person's taste, does not mean you have less value as a human being overall. To put that in a metaphor, just because some people don't like mango sherbert, does not mean that NOBODY will like mango sherbert, or that mango sherbert is completely terrible. Be kind to yourself, please! Something I'd like to make clear, is that although you may not believe it right now, someday you WILL find a partner who is right for you. There are 8 billion people in this world, the average lifespan is 79 years, and the opportunities for finding love are practically endless. And if it's not anytime soon, that's okay too! As much as intimacy and romance rocks, other forms of love or human connection, such as friendships, family, or general social support, can be very fulfilling as well. Also, middle school and high school relationships may help you learn a lot, but there is also sometimes a LOT of drama- so who knows, maybe you're dodging a bullet without even knowing it! One strategy that I know always helps me get through rejection is imagining an alternate-timeline version of myself appearing and warning me about how much I should NOT date the person, lol. As pessimistic as this is, frankly, another helpful strategy that I know of is making a secret list of everything you DON'T like about the person! Even if it feels extremely nit-picky, I know that for me, it's helped. Even if it's the teensiest tiniest most microscopic itty bitty flaws that obviously don't ACTUALLY matter, like "uh, they have a giant pimple above their right eye, I guess", it's helpful because it's a way of reminding yourself that they are NOT perfect, no matter how much your brain can't help but see them that way. A third strategy, the one that I know I've found to be my own personal holy-crap-this-actually-works method, is simply just taking a break from the person... if it's a case where you're friends or close acquaintances with them. When you have a major crush, it's basically an addiction. You can never stop thinking of them, you crave spending tons of time with them, and when those extreme cravings are not fulfilled, they only get stronger and become painful... aka "withdrawal symptoms"! So... I'll put this in a metaphor: If a person is trying to quit smoking, would it be helpful for them to always be keeping a pack of cigarettes in their pocket? The same kind of logic can apply to crushes, in some cases... If you're trying to quit liking somebody, is it helpful to keep talking with them frequently, seeing them often, and just generally be friends with them? Of course, I wouldn't know your specific situation, but if this happens to resonate with you, perhaps consider it. If you're scared of hurting their feelings, just know that there are plenty of ways to go about the conversation politely. If a break from the person is what you need, it's okay to set boundaries for yourself that way. You're never obligated to be friends with anyone, for any reason. Or, you could also instead try gradually distancing apart from them. But depending on how close of friends you are with the person, that could possibly cause some confusion. What do you believe would be the right approach for your case? Something I am curious about, is why did you ask the person on a date, or ask to be in a relationship with the person, to them 3 times previously? How did they go about their responses? How do you think they feel about having been asked again, even after saying no multiple times? Did they try setting any other boundaries of their own? I hope things go well for you, and you get through this okay. You WILL be able to get through this. Even if certain strategies don't work, time does heal. Who knows, maybe this is just clearing the way for somebody even BETTER to come into your life! I wish you luck, and if you'd like to give me a call, my shifts are on Fridays, from 4-7 PM :) Sincerely, Kimberly From Anna
Hello! Thank you so much for reaching out to us. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, rejection does suck. Don't worry too much about it though, there are so many people in this world, and there is definitely someone out there for you! In the meantime, it can be fun to focus on yourself and doing things that you like. Meeting more people can also help and you might be able to discover new people that you click with better! I hope you'll feel better soon and don't hesitate to contact us again if you could like to talk! From QUINN
Hi! Thank you so much for writing to us! it takes a lot of bravery to reach out. That sucks so much, it must really hurt to get rejected over and over again like that. Its seems like you really liked him so it must of stung pretty bad. I don't think your hopeless, it just might take some time to find the right person and you don't have to rush! You have plenty of time to explore and find the person you want to be with and who wants to be with you. In the mean time what are you doing to take care of yourself? Do things that make you happy, and love yourself. You could rest, watch a movie, hang out with friends, eat your favorite foods, go on a hike, start a hobby, read a book, cook. Just anything that you like to do. Take care of your self! From Mia
Hello, thank you for reaching out to us! I'm sorry that you're going through this right now. I'm sure it's tough when you're rejected by someone who you like. I know this sucks, but remember, that one rejection doesn't mean that you should be hopeless. This situation just didn't work out and that's okay! There will be many more opportunities in the future that will work out for you. Don't let this get you too down, you have a lot to offer and someone one day will see that. If you would like to talk about this more, don't hesitate to reach out! From Stella
I'm really sorry to hear he rejected you. I know how hard rejection can be, and especially how bad it can feel when a holiday like Valentine's Day is right around the corner. But with that in mind, it's really important to remember a few things. First of all, we're just teenagers. I know firsthand how it may feel like the end of the world if your crush rejects you, but we still have a long time to sort things out, and find that person we're meant to be with. Just because you haven't met that person yet doesn't mean you won't meet them at all! It just means you'll have to wait just a little bit longer. Who knows? Maybe he'll come around, and you can end up together. The second thing to remember is that, despite how much society (and especially Hallmark movies) hype it up, Valentine's day really is just a day to celebrate those we love, romantic or platonic. Just because you might not have a special person in a romantic context doesn't mean you can't still celebrate those around you. And plus, the day after Valentine's day is when all the chocolate is half priced! That's the real holiday worth celebrating, in my book. But anyways, you will absolutely find that special person, boy, girl, or something in between, that makes you happy. And when you do, all of your waiting will have been worth it. If you're ever feeling down, we're always here to chat. Have a lovely day, and keep your head up <3 10/10/2023 - Mute and Depression
I’m hopeless I’m mute although I can talk and I wasn’t diagnosed with selective mutism I just feel like I’m mute and no one likes me and I’m depressed
From David
Well thanks for reaching out! that requires a lot of bravery! It's completely ok to not talk as much as other people and I struggle with speaking myself. If you're really worried about it you can maybe contact a therapist or doctor and they can also help if you're feeling depressed. Again its ok to have these feelings and you're are definitely not alone. If you just want to be alone then you can try to find a hobby you can do by yourself. I like taking walks and doing art but there so many other things that can help with your mental health. If you're ever feelings really bad, you can always talk to us. Thanks again for reaching out! From Eric
Hey, thank you for reaching out! That does sound really tough. I'm sure it feels as if people don't like you, but I promise that's not the case. It's completely understandable to feel depressed in that type of situation, and it's totally okay. I would advise seeing a psychologist to see if you do in fact have selective mutism though, it would be good for clarity. From Jen
Hello! Thank you for sharing and I’m really glad you reached out to teen talk. I’m sorry to hear that things have been hard for you, I’ve never experienced exactly what you are going through but I hope I can help. I struggle with depression and I often feel really hopeless to the point where I dread having to talk to anyone or communicate. But at the same time when things are difficult talking can be a comfort. When I don’t want to talk it’s usually because I don’t want to deal with anything or have to face what’s going on. I used to barely talk at all two years ago and in a way it did its job. It helped me to be around people knowing I didn’t have to interact much since even just going outside was really scary. Over time I’ve been able to talk more. Sometimes I can even be quite chatty now. I think silence was a way to protect myself but I’m not sure if that is the same for you. I don’t know exactly what you are going through but I think that it would be good to not give up on talking. There’s good to it and I’m really happy that I was able to get to a place where talking isn’t always a bad thing. Maybe you could start out by writing. The words that you can’t say out loud can still be said on paper. I’m not sure if your school or library has a writing club or if there are any online forums to do creative writing or even fan fiction or really anything that interests you. It can also help to find some hope in gloomy times. I am obsessed with coraline (the book and movie) I could talk/write about it for hours and hours. I just really love the whole thing and all the YouTube theories or fan made art. I think finding something to be passionate about can help you to find people who you might like and also to have a positive aspect to communicating and also just to help when depressed. I’m really glad you reached out to teen talk and I hope that things will start to look up. I know you can get through this! From Mia
Hello! Thank you for reaching out to us! I'm sorry that you're feeling like people don't like you. I know how upsetting that can feel. Just know that you're not alone! Many people feel lonely sometimes and I know it's not a good feeling to have. I hope you call or text us if you need! We are here to listen. From Stella
I completely understand where you're coming from. Dealing with depression can be really hard, especially when it seems like you have no one you can talk to, literally or metaphorically. Mutism is a pretty common coping mechanism when it comes to depression, and there are ways to still be able to communicate through it without physically speaking. Personally, in the past, when I felt like I couldn't talk, I wrote common sayings on notecards, like 'yes/no', 'please', 'leave me alone', and a few others, and showed them to people. I also wrote a notecard explaining the use of the notecards, in case someone was confused. I found these to be really helpful, and I'd highly recommend them, if you're looking for a way to communicate without, well, talking. And as for the loneliness, I'm so sorry you feel like that, but please know that you're not alone. There are people in your life, whether they be teachers, counselors, family members, or otherwise, that care about you. People care about you, even though it might not feel like it sometimes. Your feelings are valid, and there is help available. Thank you for reaching out, and have a lovely day <3 From Dahlia
Thank you for sharing this. I'm sorry you're dealing with these feelings. I have anxiety so I understand how it can feel; it feels like you are left out or disliked by others. If someone dislikes you because you're quiet, it is not your fault. There are people from my family who dislike me because of my anxiety but I cannot control how they feel, it is just how I am. Coming from someone who doesn't have close friends, I find it to be helpful when you have a hobby that you like so you can spend time with yourself while you do something you enjoy. If you are able to, I think therapy could also help you as you try and handle these feelings. You are not alone in this, and I believe that you are loved. 09/28/2023 - I have depression and anxiety it hurts
I have depression and anxiety ,I have no friends I’m alone at school I don’t have anyone to talk besides my mother and my therapist outside of school I feel like depression is getting worse I’m sad enough as it is but to make it worse I was rejected by my crush which made it hurt more inside
From Jen
It sounds like things have been really tough late but I’m really glad though you reached out to teen talk for support. If you want to talk to another teen about stuff you can call teen talk during our open hours or text anonymously. I struggle making friends at school but joining a club or doing volunteer work helped me to find people I could talk to. It also gave me something to look forward to. I’m sorry to hear about what happened with your crush and how that’s made things worse. I know, for me, it helps to listen to music to get out my sad feelings but also to listen to music with good vibes to help me feel hopeful and to appreciate myself more. It can also be helpful sometimes to just do something fun or silly. Little things like getting ice cream or going to my favorite park to walk around help me when I’m having a really hard day. I hope you can feel better and thank you for sharing. From Eric
Hey, thank you for reaching out. I'm really sorry to hear what is going on. I understand how hard it is to make friends, or at least an acquaintance or two, and I know anxiety doesn't help one bit in trying to succeed in that. Fortunately, the school year just started, so that does give you a few more ways of meeting new people. Depending on how the teachers you have operate, if you were assigned to a random table in a class, spark up some sort of conversation, even if it's something small. I know that it's a lot easier said than done, but I would keep it as an option. Also, I know what rejection feels like first hand, trust me. It will be very awkward and difficult for a while, and I'm sure it feels like there is no one else, but it will eventually pass. Depending on the situation, you could even continue staying friends with them, which is a lot better and healthier than never speaking to them again. From Quinn
hi, its really brave to reach out so thank you for doing so. I understand how having no friends feels, and it really sucks. being lonely is the worse feeling. you could join a social group, like a club or a team. something with other people your age, and with similar interests. you could probably ask your school and therapist if they have any clubs you could join, and ask you mom to help. getting rejected is really hard, if you have any hobbies or things for comfort that you do that might be good. after something happens like that I go get a pumpkin freeze from my favorite coffee shop. it does not make it better but it cheers me up a bit, and makes my day better. -Quinn From Anna
Hi, thank you for reaching out. I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope you feel better soon. At school, maybe you can join some volunteer clubs and go to some events? I know that a lot of schools have volunteer clubs, and they're a great place to meet new people and friends. For your crush, I know it's easier said than done, but I think that trying to meet new people might take your mind off of them. Remember that this is just one event in your life and although you might hear this a lot, it is true that with time you will feel much better about it. I hope that these suggestions will help you, and please don't hesitate to reach out! From STella
First of all, I'd just like to thank you for having the courage to reach out to us here at TeenTalk. It takes a lot of strength to reach out for help, and I'm so proud of you for that. Depression and anxiety can be really hard to deal with day after day. The important thing is to know that you're not alone in this. You have people in your life, like your mom, therapist, or adults at school, who are there to support you and make sure you're okay. Pertaining to your crush, rejection can really hurt. Especially when you already have other mentally taxing things going on. The important things to remember are that it's okay to feel hurt, but you shouldn't correlate it to your self worth. Self love and care can be especially important in a time like this as well. Make sure you're regularly engaging in activities that make you happy and bring you joy. I know it can seem really hard sometimes, but I promise you it's worth it. Personally, I enjoy listening to music, spending time with my dog, and reading. You are strong for facing your depression and anxiety head-on. With time, support, and patience, things can improve. Don't hesitate to lean on your therapist, mother, and any other resources available to you. Your journey toward better mental health and forming meaningful connections is entirely valid, and you deserve happiness and support along the way. From Dahlia
I'm sorry you are dealing with these things. I also only talk to my mother because I have no friends. Remember there is nothing wrong with you if you don't have any friends. It is better to meet people who truly appreciate you than to find "friends" who don't make you feel comfortable or happy. Such friends are rare, and it can take a while before you find them. Don't be discouraged! I believe you will find some friends. And I totally get it. Being rejected from your crush is definitely heartbreaking. Don't try to change yourself to get their approval though. There is someone out there who will like you just the way you are. You might be wondering "How long will it take?" And there is no definite answer, but I know you will meet someone who likes you the way you like them. From Bri
Hi, That sounds like you have a lot going on, and I hope you are taking some time for you and are able to take care of yourself. Depression and anxiety can really hit hard, especially this time of year. Have you had a lot of experience with anxiety and depression or is it something that has started recently? I am really glad that while school has been rough that you have at least had your mom and therapist, those sound like really valuable people to depend on and I am glad that they have been able to be there for you. I am sorry you got rejected by your crush, it can be really heartbreaking and sad when they don't feel the same way. We are here for you and I hope you message back :) 09/27/2023 - Sad
I’m depressed and I’m having trouble coping with it especially since I was rejected by my crush and it hurt me
From DAVID
I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time right now. Dealing with depression can be incredibly challenging, and it's even harder when you're also dealing with the pain of rejection. It's completely normal to feel hurt and overwhelmed in such a situation, but please know that you're not alone. It's very important to recognize that what you're feeling is valid. You don't have to go through this alone. Consider talking to a trusted friend, family member, or teacher about what you're experiencing. Sharing your feelings and thoughts with someone you trust can be a great relief and a source of comfort. If you don't feel comfortable with that, seeking professional help from a therapist or school counselor can be incredibly beneficial. It's totally okay to take things one step at a time. Be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Personally I like walking, art, reading, and video games. You are not defined by this rejection, and your worth is not determined by someone else's feelings. You are a valuable and unique individual deserving of love and happiness. FROM STELLA
I completely understand where you're coming from. Sometimes it can feel like the entire world is against you, and nothing can possibly go your way. Feelings are hard to deal with, but they're what make us people. The important thing to remember is that things will always find a way to get better. This too shall pass. Something else to remember is that there are people in your life that love and care about you. Rejection can be incredibly painful, and it's natural to feel hurt, disappointed, and even a sense of loss when someone you care about doesn't reciprocate your feelings. It's important to allow yourself to grieve this experience and acknowledge your emotions. Remember that healing takes time, and it's okay to take things one step at a time. Be kind to yourself, practice self-care, and try to engage in activities that bring you joy. The only way to escape darkness is with light. Always remember that support is just a call away. From Eric
Hey, thank you for reaching out. Your "Ask Peppy" is very similar to another one we got recently, so I kind of assume you are the same person. However if you aren't, here's some advice I gave them that I feel would really help you as well. I know what rejection feels like first hand, trust me. It will be very awkward and difficult for a while, and I'm sure it feels like there is no one else, but it will eventually pass. Depending on the situation, you could even continue staying friends with them, which is a lot better and healthier than never speaking to them again. FROM JEN
I’m sorry to hear things have been difficult. I’m really glad though that you reached out to teen talk for support. I actually can relate to this a bit since I like someone who is just not interested and it hurt because we used to be friends but we’ve been kind of distant now. But even though it sucks and it makes me sad sometimes it helps to just put on an angsty song and vibe to it. Or I write down how I’m feeling. When I try to avoid feeling hurt it just makes things more sad for me because it builds up inside so it can help to just let it out. If ever you want to talk to someone about it you can always call teen talk during our open hours or text a teen anonymously. I also like to watch my favorite show or something to make me smile to help me feel less down. I think it’s really important to find support and have someone to be able to talk with about your feelings. It can also help to find ways to cope like how I know someone who writes songs and that helps them when they are going through tough things. From QUINN
hello, thanks for reaching out! there was a really similar message to your and this is what I said to them. getting rejected is really hard, if you have any hobbies or things for comfort that you do that might be good. after something happens like that I go get a pumpkin freeze from my favorite coffee shop. it does not make it better but it cheers me up a bit, and makes my day better. -Quinn From Anna
Hi, I'm so sorry you feel this way. Thank you so much for reaching out :) I know a lot of people say this, but it truly works: you could try to take your mind off of them by involving yourself in other activities or hobbies. Many schools have a ton of clubs to join so that could be a starting point, especially volunteer clubs since they usually have a lot of members and lots of fun events to meet new people at. I hope you feel better soon and please do not hesitate to reach out again if you wish to talk :) From Dahlia
I'm so sorry you are dealing with depression alone. I know it is incredibly difficult. I hope you are able to reach out to a professional who might be able to help you find some coping methods. If you need further information on counseling, here are some counseling resources. I also understand it can be heartbreaking to hear that your crush doesn't have the same feelings for you, but it is not your fault. Take the time to heal and don't try to force their feelings to change because you have to accept how they truly feel in order to move on. I believe there is someone out there who will like you. Be patient even if it feels like it is taking too long because love is also patient and kind. From Bri
Hello there, Being rejected by crushes are the absolute worst. Did you know them very well? It can be really rough when you admire someone and they don't feel the same way. Being at a really low place can be hard, but is there anything that has helped you in the past when you felt this way? When I am feeling that way, a mindless tv show or game really helps me. Something I can focus on without having to put much work into it. I know some people really enjoy music. Finding a coping strategy is so important and I hope that you keep messaging to let us know how you are doing. 12/07/2022 - My parents are about to get a divorce and I don't know how to handle it
So my parents have been fighting a lot and I think that they are going to get a divorce! It is around christmas time and I really want to celebrate it with my whole family, in the same house! I don't really know how to handle this. My school has a counselor but I don't know if my parents will let me or if my best friends will make fun of me. I know that every kid deals with this differently, so that is why I would like to know how I should handle this.
FROM BRI
HI :) Thanks for reaching out, I am sorry it sounds like things are really stressful right now.. I think its really great that you are knowing you need some extra support in this and I think school counselors are pretty great. I don't know how it is at your school, but at mine, I tell my friends I am feeling a little sick and need to go to the nurses station and then when I get there I just ask if there is a way I could talk to a counselor about what is going on in my life, and its confidential with school counselors as long as nothing is shared that they have to report (thoughts of hurting yourself or others, etc.) so your parents probably wouldn't even know you went to see them. I know how hard it is to get help emotionally with all of the stigma from other people being hard to weigh whether it feels worth it but I think you're super brave to even be considering it. Maybe there are other trusted adults you could talk to as well? And getting back to your question, I think you may have answered your own question? I think everyone *does* deal with it differently and every way is true and right and valid. I feel like you are feeling everything you are meant to feel in this moment. I think its pretty clique but I really do notice myself when I get really impactful news going through the stages of grief. If you haven't heard of it I would look at a google picture. But unlike how most people think of it, it was explained to me that even though it says or looks linear as first you go through this emotion and then this and then this, it is really a cycle and its okay to think you've reached acceptance and then decide you haven't. How do you think you've been handling this so far? I don't know if you feel safe doing this or what kind of relationship you have with your parents, but I think sometimes there's a lot of value in simply asking. Like acknowledging with them that it seems like things are getting worse and maybe asking if they are planning to divorce or asking one of them? I know that won't work for every situation but I would hope that they don't realize how much this is affecting you and that maybe they have the ability to reassure you. My parents used to fight a lot and they would talk about maybe getting divorced but in my situation when I asked it happened that they just said that in the heat of the moment and I didn't hear the rest of the outcome. I am really sorry that you're going through this right now. The holidays are such a difficult time sometimes when expectation/promises of a happy holiday are met with untimely issues that make it hard to experience the holidays like they should be spent. What things are you hoping to try? Well I really am glad to hear from you and I hope to hear more about how things are going because you sound pretty brave and amazing and brilliant and I'd love to talk to you more :)
Some examples of what I found when I googled stages of grief: FROM COREY
Hello! Thank you for reaching out to talk about this. I am happy you decided to share it with someone, this can be a lot to have on your plate at once. I am sorry your parents have been fighting, that sounds like it would be tough to be around. Great job on recognizing resources around you! I think the option of talking to a school counselor about this is really good to have. I do not know your exact situation with your parents, but it might be good to talk to them about seeing your school counselor. If you do not feel comfortable with that, that is totally understandable. As for your friends, they might have some troubles understanding your situation if they haven't experienced something similar. That is ok, but as your friends they should still try to have some sympathy for you. Communication with the people your close to can be really helpful during these times. It can also be difficult to start. You can take things at your own pace of course. Do you feel like you have someone in your life that you can open up to? You seem like a very aware and smart person, you got this! If you have any questions or if you want to talk more feel free to write again! My name is Corey, and my shift is Thursdays from 4-7 if you'd like to talk again :). I hope you have a good rest of your day. FROM MAGGIE
Hi there! I'm so glad you reached out to us. It sucks when people who are important to you fight with each other, and I'm really sorry that you have to go through all of this. Firstly, I wanted to remind you that you're not expected to handle this on your own! I hope you're not too hard on yourself when thinking about your situation, because your parents' feelings are out of your control. You shouldn't have to carry this burden by yourself! You are so valid for wanting to celebrate Christmas with your whole family - this is something everyone deserves to experience, and I'm really sorry that you feel as if your parents' disagreements are making this difficult. If I were you, I would suggest talking to them each individually about your worries. Be honest with them - if you tell them how much you care about both of them, how much spending Christmas together matters to you, they might work with you to figure out a solution that works for all of you. And honestly? I think talking to a counselor is a GREAT idea, especially if they're someone you know you can trust! If you don't feel comfortable asking your parents whether you can talk to the counselor, maybe think about whether you have any other trusted adults at your school that you could talk to. I know from personal experience - it's really comforting when you can talk to and get advice from other people who you trust. I'm sure your friends will understand that talking to someone, like a counselor, will help you. And if they laugh at you, then too bad for them, because counseling is honestly an awesome tool that everyone should feel good about using! I hope you feel better soon - even if things don't work out during Christmas, please, please, please remember that it's not your fault. Your parents may disagree with each other a lot, but they still love you and want to spend time with you. No matter what, you will be surrounded this holiday season by people that care about you! from valerie
Hello! I'm so glad you decided to reach out, that sounds like a lot to be dealing with. Your school counselor is an excellent resource! Best part is you don't even have to tell you parents to talk to them. Although, having that open communication with your parents might be helpful! I'm not sure of your relationship with them so I can't say for certain, but you might get a better read on the situation by bringing up your fears/ uncertainties/ worries with them :) As for your friends, they should be there supporting you all the way! That's what friends are for. Think about it, would you make fun of them for seeing a counselor? If not, I'd hope they'd do the same and support you through this tough time. I hope some of this is helpful and you're able to work this to enjoy the holiday! Best of wishes, Valerie |