7/02/2024 Advice for a mom?
I am a mom and want to know what teens think about my situation with my daughter. Delete my question if you only talk to teens. My daughter is 15. She is a really good kid and I am proud of her. But this fall she wants to go to school online through an alternative school. I want her to go the regular public school. I want her to at least try it and see if she likes it. I know she wants friends and I don’t think she will make friends if she is always home and online. She gets lonely and sad a lot and I want her to be having fun at her age. I am curious about what other kids think.
From May
Hi! I'm May. Thank you so much for reaching out. I personally think it's really cool of you as a mom to seek advice from youth. I do think you're right that it's worth a try, but ultimately if she feels like it would be best for her to do online school, she knows herself more than anyone. I understand you're also worried about her making friends. The social aspect of school is very important, but it's also good to take into consideration that there are other ways to make friends that aren't during school. One example of this is the library (https://www.fvrl.org/), which has events all the time. They even have events that are geared specifically towards youth. Another example is the Boys and Girls club (https://mybgc.org/). There are also plenty of volunteer opportunities you could encourage her to participate in to meet people (including TeenTalk!). I love that you reached out to us, and it sounds like you care a lot about your daughter! Don't hesitate to reach out again if you want to talk further. From Emma
As a teen myself I feel like she is scared of interacting with people her age. I been through this once and I feel you should talk to her first. Talk about why and what is happening thay stoping her from going to a regular school. If she is scared of interacting, give her sometimes to do baby step of talking to other. You can ask her to call teen-talk as a way to help her talk to people around her age. Slowly talk about what she would be benefiting from going to a regular school. There are some school that have a student shadowing a current student at that school, helping to see how the school and classes are like. This is also an opportunity to help her get out there. The key here is not to rush her, she may be overwhelmed. Constantly talk to her about what she likes and what she don’t like. I hope this help and thank you for reaching out to us! -Emma- from hailey
Hey it’s so cool a mom will reach out! I appreciate you coming to ask teen talk, just the fact that you care enough about your daughter to ask teenagers and not just other moms shows you are a great mother! Anyway there are a few things to consider when it comes to picking a school for your teenager I know for one I had no say in the school I go to in fact I hated that I was being forced to go to my school but it turned out to be a place I grew to love because it challenged me just as much I needed to and I thrived, so when you are trying to decide which school to have your daughter go to try to consider which school you think she would do the best at. I’m not sure if that was much help but that’s the best advice I can provide. Good luck picking which school and I hope your daughter enjoys the school she’ll be going to! - Hailey:) from anna
Thank you for contacting TeenTalk! I know that I personally, and probably many teens out there, appreciate that you are trying to gather perspectives from teens to help your daughter! I was wondering if your daughter been to public school before and how was her experience? If she has not gone to public school before, I would suggest for her to try it out and to give it a bit of time so that she can become familiar with her surroundings and have time to make friends. Also, if she is transitioning from middle school to high school, I have found that those experiences are somewhat different because in high school, students are much more able to explore their interests through joining things like clubs and finding people who share their interests. There are many classes relating to her interests that she can take and meet students in those classes. During this time, maybe you could try to check in with her periodically to see how she is doing? Taking her to talk to her school's counselor could also help, and they might be able to give you some information about the school to help prepare her. I know there are many clubs and activities that she would have access to at a public school, and the counselor could give her some starting points to help her. Adjusting to public school can definitely be daunting and there are the highs and the lows, but I cherish very much the friends I've been able to make in school and the social interactions with my peers that I've been able to have. Making friends could be more difficult if she stayed at home, but it is still possible. If after some time your daughter still wishes to go to school online, at least she has tried to go to public school which is a big step. Also, if after a while she wants to return to in person school, she will have some experience to go off of! I hope that you talk to your daughter more about why she prefers online school, and if she has any questions, please don't hesitate to have her contact TeenTalk as well :) from stella
Hey there, It sounds like you care a lot about your daughter's happiness and well-being, which is really admirable. It's great to hear that you're proud of her and want what's best for her. Making decisions about school can be tough, especially when you want the best for someone you care about. As a fellow teen, I can understand both sides of this situation. Online school through an alternative program can offer flexibility and sometimes a more personalized learning experience, which can be great for some students. On the other hand, traditional public school can provide opportunities for social interaction and a broader range of extracurricular activities. Ultimately, every teen is different, and what works best for one person might not work for another. It might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your daughter about her preferences and concerns. Understanding her perspective can make it easier to come to a decision together. If you're looking for more perspectives from teens, you might consider checking out online forums or community groups where teens share their experiences with different schooling options. Websites like Reddit or specific forums for parents and teens can be really informative. Remember, you're doing a great job as a mom by seeking out different viewpoints and wanting the best for your daughter. Whatever decision you both make, as long as it's made with love and understanding, will likely be the right one. Have an amazing day <3 from jen
Thank you for reaching out to us and I think it’s really cool that you’re asking kids what their opinions would be on this. It shows how much you care for your daughter and want to understand all the sides and support her in the best way possible. I did online school during the pandemic but the following year I attended school in person for a few weeks but switched to online when my anxiety was getting really bad. I was in a really bad place so my situation may be different than your daughters. I think for me it wasn’t helpful, however every online school is different and the program mine was through was not great for my personal learning style. I think it was necessary for me to do online because I was having panic attacks every day at school and hiding in the bathroom or trying to stay home and legally I needed to be attending school so online made that possible. I was diagnosed with social phobia…so I truly wanted to isolate myself. In a way though it did help me to get in a stable place and then the next semester I returned to school in person and did really well. I did better in person because I struggled with motivation at home and reading comprehension which made it difficult to understand assignments. There are certainly pros and cons to both so depending on her needs I think it would really be good to sit down together and make a list of both options. Also make separate lists and compare so both people get all their ideas heard. I have friends who did online and really liked it. They still had a social life and lots of supportive friends. But I didn’t have that same experience since online school was a way for me to disassociate from my life and isolate myself. I think both can be positive or negative experiences for different kinds of people. I think it’s important to do research on the program your daughter wants to enroll in because not all online schools offer the same classes, some are videos and quizzes, others are purely book work, some have teachers you can email with questions while others do not, etc. Also not every online program uses the same teaching style and it would be good to choose one best suited for your daughter if you end up pursuing online education. I wish you the best and you can always try doing one semester if the school she would be attending or online program allow it. You know your daughter much better than me so I can’t say what would be better for her but I hope this could help. Thank you for reaching out and writing us a message :) from eric
Hey, thank you for reaching out. It sounds like a really tough position. Personally, I completely agree with you in that, your daughter should go to regular school and get the real school experience. Going to public school is always really difficult sometimes, especially the first week when you don't know anybody. Those challenges build and crate not only a lot of character, but also a lot of strength and other skills she'll need in life. Personal interaction is really important, whether it be one new person she meets or a whole bunch, either way is a huge achievement. I guarantee she will fight you with everything she has to not go to a real school, but in the end she'll thank you for doing it. -Eric 05/16/2023 - I have a lack of confidence in defending myselF
I guess you can say I get bullied at school. I got beat up in early March this year and every other day kids say mean things to me. But whenever they do, I freeze. I don't know what to do I usually just act like I don't notice or walk away but I wish I could stand up for myself so they won't do it again.
FROM AMELIA
I'm sorry you're getting bullied at school, that can make things really difficult and stressful. I understand how it can be hard to stand up for yourself in the moment when faced with conflict. Just walking away is a good way to handle the situation but I can see how that can be frustrating when you want to stop it from happening again. I'm sure you've already thought about changing your routes in-between classes so you can avoid these people but maybe you could take a friend along with you. Having a friend there might give you more confidence to stand up for yourself and they can also be there to make sure nothing bad happens. Thanks for reaching out and I hope things get better for you soon - Amelia FROM DAVID
That sounds absolutely terrible. Standing up for yourself is definitely the hardest thing in school and I don't blame you for also thinking it's scary. It's hard for kids, teens, adults, and everyone in between. You can try ignoring them but I know that doesn't work most of the time. Fighting back probably isn't the answer since that just invigorates the bullies but maybe trying to find ways to avoid them completely by using different parts of the school or walking with people you know so that the bullies are less inclined to harass you. Beating you up is a very serious offense and they should get consequences for it if you talk to an adult at your school. I really think that you are very brave and should not let these bullies get to you. FROM BRI
I really wish that people didn't bully others. I think that sometimes that there is a lot of power in waking away, and can sometimes be really powerful. Especially because a lot of people who say mean things are just feeling hurt and taking it out on other people. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself, I feel like that is a lot of people's reaction. You don't deserve to be bullied at all. You deserve to be safe. From Leslie
im so sorry to hear this :( bullying absolutely sucks and no one deserves to be treated like that. i don't blame you for freezing because it sounds like a very scary situation. i think reaching out to teachers, your parents, or any other trusted adults could help a lot and they would probably be able to fix the problem. i'm glad you want to defend yourself but i would also be cautious, since they've gotten violent before. your safety is the number one priority and i wouldn't want you to do anything that could put that in jeopardy. just remember that what those kids say isn't true and you don't need to pay them any mind, don't forget that you're an amazing human being and bad people shouldn't dim your light. i hope that everything ends up working out well :) FROM MIA
Hey! Thank you for writing to us! I'm sorry to hear that you're getting bullied that must be so hard to go through. Have you considered reporting that behavior? I know it's scary but the adults at school might be able to get a no-contact order against them so you won't have deal with their bullying. Again, I'm so sorry that you are going through that. I cannot image how difficult that must be. Thank you for reaching out and if you ever want to talk, we're here for you! 04/30/2023 - I don't feel safe at school
I used to have a best friend who I thought was my best friend. I had a boyfriend that harassed me sexually so I broke up with him because of it. My "best friend" said she was there for me and convinced me to leave him cuz what he did was disgusting, and it was. But immediately after I left him she blocked me on everything and asked him out. This was during the summer so once school started again she started spreading rumors about me and trying to get other people to hate me as much as she hated me. Eventually she made my friends turn on me and convinced one of them to beat me up in early March this year. I was so scared, so many people were recording. When she threw me down and was beating me I didn't even feel it, it was peaceful. But once she was done and walked away, I immediately started crying. Ever since then I've felt scared to be at school and to be around big crowds, I feel like everyone hates me and wants to jump me. I'm intimidated by everyone. I don't want anyone to look at me or talk to me or anything. They haven't touched me but they still spread rumors and it got so bad I got put on meds for anxiety and I get to leave class early before the bell rings so I don't have to walk with the crowd. I just wish I could feel normal at school but I don't. It's so much stress on me I can't take it anymore I get hives on my face from the anxiety. I just want to be happy and loved.
FROM DAVID
Hi I'm David and I really appreciate your bravery in reaching out. I'm really sorry this is happening to you. People shouldn't turn on you like that or beat you up in the hallways. Despite these selective people I do hope you know that you are loved by many even if you don't know it. Have you tried talking to a counselor or administrator at your school? If they didn't or won't do anything then talk to your parents as well. If you've already talked to them and they also won't do anything then you could reach out to a trusted teacher you like at your school. Also getting beaten in the hallway is assault and you could report that to the police who could take further action. If there's a recording of it online somewhere then that's just further proof and if this many people saw it happen then that's a lot of witnesses. It takes a lot of bravery and resilience to keep going after all of that harassment and I'm really happy that you are still going and things will get better. In the meanwhile though I hope you stay and strong and know that a lot of people support you, including me. FROM MIA
Thank you for opening up about this. It sounds incredibly difficult to be dealing with all of that. It definitely sounds like she wasn't a good friend at all and what she did to you was horrible. It must have been very traumatic for you. No one should ever have to go through something like that. It was a good choice to leave your boyfriend after what he had put you through. Have you thought about reporting their behavior to someone like a school counselor or police? They could help with making you feel safer at school by getting no-contact/restraining order on them. It is scary, but sometimes it can be really helpful. I understand wanting to feel happy and loved. If you're still struggling with what your boyfriend did, the YWCA may be a good resource. They have a call line and support groups. If you ever want to reach out to us, we would love to hear from you! FROM R
I can't even begin to imagine how horrible and traumatizing that must have been. You are loved, and you are important! You should not have had to deal with such horrible things and it must be so hard dealing with all of the aftereffects now. We are always here to listen and it is so understandable that you want to feel normal in school. You are strong! I can hear your strength in what you've gone through and healing takes time and you have the ability to heal no matter how impossible it may seem right now. from bri
Hey, Thank you for reaching out, I just want to say you are so SO valid in absolutely everything that has happened. It must be really hard to have people who you trusted become untrustworthy and feel unsafe. While it sounds like your "best friend" convinced you to dump this guy for the wrong reasons, I am still really glad they were able to give you the push that you needed in order to get away from a bad situation. I can understand the anxiety of feeling so exposed at school and not feeling safe and maybe like you always have to have your defenses up. I might not have had the same thing happen, but when people are making you feel unsafe it is really hard to not carry that everywhere. You absolutely deserve to be happy and loved. I am glad that your school was able to help you a bit Have you been able to talk to anyone at school about how you are feeling? I feel like sometimes people like teachers have a really good perspective on things because they are there with you a lot. That sounds like so much stress they have put you through and I really hope that they can see that putting you down won't make them feel better. FROM TESSA
Hi there. Wow, it sounds like you have been going through a lot. I can't even imagine what that's like, and I am so incredibly sorry you're dealing with this. I really think you should report this to a teacher or faculty member at your school. If people were recording, try to get the video so you can use it as evidence. It is NEVER okay for anyone to put their hands on you like that, and you deserve justice. It can be really scary to come forward with a story like this, especially with the pressures of the rumors at school. Just know that what they did to you is NOT okay, and no one deserves violence. I really recommend talking to your school counselor and coming up with a plan to how they can make you feel more safe at school. You deserve to feel comfortable and safe in a learning environment. FROM MAGGIE
hello! thank you so much for reaching out. im sorry this is happening to you. it sucks when someone you thought you could trust ends up being someone you can't trust at all, and it really hurts because you not only have to deal with the consequences of their actions, but you've also lost a friend. have you tried reaching out to a trusted adult about your anxiety? as much as i wish i could just send you virtual hugs and squeeze out all the anxiety, someone who's trained in anxiety or has experience with it may prove a good resource to help you overcome your barrier. someone like your school counselor, if you have one, could be good to talk to! and finally, i just wanted to say that you WILL meet your people one day. they might be in classes with you right now, and youve never talked to them. they could be that one person you walk past every day on your way to lunch. people who will genuinely care about you and lift you up are out there!! i encourage you to take this chance and reach out to someone you might never have talked to otherwise. maybe you might find a new friend - someone who can stand at your side and support you. -maggie FROM A
It may not feel as though you are loved, but believe me, you are. Even if it doesn't seem like it, there is definitely someone either in your household or even at school that truly cares about you. Being through such hurtful and traumatic experiences makes it unbelievably hard to trust anyone ever again, but as hard as it might seem, the pay off to step out of your comfort zone and try to talk to and get to know just one person, is definitely worth the initial fear. 01/08/2022 - health class
hi my name is ***** i just would love to say hello and keep up the good work you all will be here from me by call,text,email ok look forder talking to you guys thank you for being here other teens like me we find do find this helpful who ever idea this was it was a very good one i will like this having it if something ever pops up at my work i do what you do but at a school in person from 8:00am-12:00am so that is not fun at all not for me.
*****Some identifying information was removed from this message for this person’s privacy FROM MONIKA
Hi!! I’m glad to hear that we are helpful! We’re always looking forward to hearing from you! If you want to talk about school or work stress, that’s totally something you can hit us up with. We’re all teens here so we’ll definitely understand lol. It sounds like you’re stressed out by school which is very relatable. Whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed by schoolwork (very often haha) I take a break to just eat snacks and watch a comfort show/movie. Various hobbies are also a good way to practice self-care when you’re stressed out. I like doodling and playing video games. :) And of course, if you just need someone to listen we’re here for that too and that’s totally okay!!! I’d be glad to lend a listening ear! In case you don’t know our hours, we’re open 4-9 p.m mondays-thursdays, and 4-7 on fridays! Sending hugs, Monika :3 FROM TESSA
Hello! Thank you so much for all of your positive feedback. We are so glad that you support TeenTalk and what we do!! It sounds like you have a very busy schedule, I hope you are using some of your free time to relax and do things you enjoy. Having long days can be very tiring, so make sure to take care of yourself and get lots of rest. I recommend engaging in a relaxing activity like coloring or meditating to practice some self-care. Take care :) - Tessa |
