Family

​Family, whether you describe them as people you are bound to by blood, or the people you choose to be your family can be difficult. It can be hard when you don’t always get to choose the people you are related to, and they can have really different ideas from you or the history you have with them can give them a lot of emotional power. We have a lot of resources to help build communication and find support and you can always write a message to us at Ask Peppy and volunteers will post the first response(s) in one to two business days. You can also talk to us from 4-9 pm, Monday to Thursday or 4-7 pm on Friday and we’d love to support you in any feelings you are having around your family.

10/23/2024 should kids get to choose who to live with?

I am not a teen but am mom to two teens. Their dad and I are splitting up, but we are on really good terms and are wanting to have a split that is the best possible for all of us. We will both stay living in Vancouver. We are talking about letting our teens decide who they want to live with - what they think the best arrangement would be. Do the teens there think that's a good idea? Does it maybe put too much pressure on them? Just wanted teen opinions. thanks very much.

November 1-Thank you for messaging Ask Petty. Your post is important, and a few volunteers will send in their replies soon. Please check back at the end of next week for all our submissions. 

from Alex

​Hi, thank you so much for reaching out! It makes me happy to hear that this is generally a healthy and safe divorce, that is very rare! It is so much better for your two kids that way. I really appreciate how you and your ex-are taking it in the first place as well. Making the choice to let your children decide who to live with is very respectable. This is a very complicated question though. In my opinion, it really depends on the kid. I feel that some kids will choose which parent to live with no problem, but some will have an extremely hard time, and worry they will hurt one of their parents. I would maybe ask what your children want, if they would like to choose who to stay with, or if they would rather you and your ex-husband decide. I really hope this helps, and whatever decision is made goes very smooth!
-Eric

9/20/2024- How to help my daughter not feel ignored

I found out parents can ask teens for advice here. I have two children who are 14 and 16. My youngest child was diagnosed with a form of leukemia 5 years ago. Until that happened I think I did a good job as a single parent. But since then, I have put everything into my youngest child’s medical needs and trying to not lose my job. My youngest always says things are ok or they understand. But I hate thinking about how ignored and lonely they must feel. Any ideas from you teens? Thanks

from eric

Hi, thank you so much for reaching out! I am so sorry to hear about your daughter's diagnosis and the situation you're in. I could not possibly imagine what you are going through, especially as a single parent, you have my deepest sympathy and I highly commend you. If it were me in your older daughter's shoes, all I would want is for you to sit down and check in with me every once in a while to see how I am doing and what's going on in my life. Maybe once a week would be good depending on your schedule. Another important thing I would like to preface however is you need to make sure you have resting time for yourself. It may sound kind of selfish, but it is crucial you have time to relax and decompress.-Eric

from stella

Hey there! Thank you so much for reaching out; I promise you it would mean the world to your kids if they knew. It takes a lot of bravery to reach out, even if you aren’t a teen, and I commend you for that. Now, as TeenTalk’s self-proclaimed miracle child who’s spent my fair share of time in and out of the hospital, alongside also being the youngest child, I can give you a bit of a unique perspective. So, as a young child, I missed Halloween one year, because I was in the hospital being treated. My older sibling, just 11 years old at the time, went out trick-or-treating, and came into my hospital room the next morning with a bag full of candy. Without being prompted, she’d asked every house she went to for an extra piece of candy for her sister, who was in the hospital. As a younger sibling, this meant the world to me. My sibling sticking their neck out to make my darkest days a little brighter. And with the gift of hindsight, I can now see that my entire family was pulling together to try and help me. Now that I’m doing a bit better, I can appreciate everything they went through in order to keep going, whether for my sake or their own. From my personal experience, I can tell you the most important and meaningful thing you can do for your child is communicate. Being a young teenager, they may be a tad apprehensive at first, but I promise, if you keep them in the loop and check in on them, they will absolutely appreciate you for it later on. Just keep the lines of communication open, and remind them that they’re loved. That’s all anyone can really ask of you. Thank you so much for reaching out, and have a lovely day. Y’all will be in our thoughts here. Sincerely, Stella <3

from dahlia

Hello, I am Dahlia.
Thank you for feeling comfortable enough to share this situation with TeenTalk. You are doing an amazing job as a mother. Having a loved one diagnosed with Leukemia can be overwhelming and heartbreaking. Managing work and trying to focus on family is also something that can be difficult to manage, but you are trying your best, and I truly take inspiration in that because it is not easy being a mother.
I am the youngest in my family, and I have a strong bond with my mom, so I can provide you with ideas that could help your relationship with your daughter feel more at ease. First, it is important to just be around your daughter. This can be watching a movie together, talking to her while you do chores or any other activity. It is always nice to ask your daughter if she wants to hang out with you as well because they might start brainstorming ideas on what to do to spend time with you (I do this when my mom comes home from work; when she asks me if I want to go somewhere with her later in the day.) I also suggest you pay attention to their support system to ensure they have someone to talk to and spend time with outside of family. Someone can be close to their family but still feel lonely because they have no close friends. I can imagine how busy you are with work, so I think it would be nice if you could get gifts for your daughter sometimes. They can help cheer up your daughter and remind her that you are thinking of her. For example, my mom works as well, and sometimes, she brings me gifts she receives from her job, which makes me feel appreciated.
You are still doing an amazing job as a single parent, and I am sure your daughter sees that. I hope these ideas may help you find solutions to help you and your daughter. Please feel free to reach out again to let us know how things go or for any other situations you may have.

from ruby

Hey!
 It seems like you’ve been handling a tough situation for quite some time. I'm so glad you reached out for advice. Your situation is not easy, you are doing the best you can and that is so powerful of you.   It is always good to check in with your child to really understand what they are going through. If it were me I would prefer for my parents to set me aside in a space where I feel comfortable and have them ask me if anything is wrong. When creating a space like this it allows me to be vulnerable and be able to share my honest feelings. It is good to stay persistent with this, have those times where you and your child are able to sit down and just talk. The more you do this the easier it will be to have a deep conversation. If your child keeps persisting that they are feeling okay it is good to acknowledge this, but having these spaces will make it easier so when your child has a time we’re they aren’t  feeling all that great they have a space in which they feel comfortable enough to say whatever is on their mind.
Whatever you decide to do going forward I hope you the best :) and don’t be afraid to ask us more questions if you ever have any!! 
-Ruby

from may

Hi! I’m May. That sounds like a tough situation and I’m glad you’re coming to us for advice. You sound like a great mom and I understand putting everything into your kids medical needs and your job. The most important thing is that your children are healthy and that you’re able to provide for them so that’s completely understandable. I understand being worried about them feeling ignored as well. In my opinion, I think you should have an open conversation about it tell them how you feel. It might be nice for them to know that you understand they may feel ignored and that you feel bad about it too. Another thing I think is important to recognize is that even the little things can mean a lot. Like just watching a movie with them, eating dinner together or playing a board game. Try to make time for little things whenever you’re able. Thank you so much for reaching out and if you need further advice we’re here!

from quinn

Hello! I’m Quinn, thanks so much for reaching out! That sounds really hard, and scary. It sounds like you really care a lot about your kids, and I’m sure they know that. It’s really good that you’re aware about how this might impact your other kid. It might be good to spend some special time with your kid. Even small things. Like starting a routine like in Saturdays we go do something or playing family board games after dinner. Or cooking together. And this could include your other kid to, just setting up a pattern were you spend dedicated time with your kids. I hope this helps! You’re doing doing your best, and you really care about your kids, so don’t beat yourself up! Good luck! 
-Quinn

7/1/2024- Craziness at my house

​My Mom has bipolar. How she acts is effecting my whole family every day. I talk to a psychiatrist every week. They say I am affected by the chaos. Anything you can tell me for how to deal with chaos? Thx

from Stella

Hey there,
I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going through with your mom's bipolar. It's tough when someone you love is dealing with something that impacts the whole family. Dealing with chaos isn't easy, but talking to a psychiatrist regularly is a great step—you're already doing something really positive for yourself.
One thing that might help is finding ways to take care of yourself amidst everything that's happening. Whether it's finding some quiet time for yourself, talking to friends or other family members for support, or even just doing something you enjoy, taking care of your own mental health is really important. Personally, I really enjoy listening to music to take my mind off of things for a while.
Remember, you're not alone in this. It's okay to reach out for help and support when you need it. Hang in there—you're stronger than you know.
Take care,
Stella

from heather

Hello, I really appreciate you reaching out! This sounds like a really tough situation for you and your family. Do you have a safe space at home to get away from all the chaos? If not, going out for a walk can be a great way to get away from the chaos and give yourself a chance to wind down. Or maybe having fun with friends! I'm happy that you're able to talk to a psychiatrist about the situation, I hope you're finding it helpful! Bipolar disorder is a fierce disorder that can really put a toll on relationships. It sounds like your mother is struggling, which is out of your control, but you deserve a safe space away from the chaos for your own mental health. Whenever you feel trapped in the chaos, practicing self-care (which could be anything that makes you feel happy/relaxed :) ) can take some stress away. Please remember to take care of yourself, your needs are important. I wish the best for you and your family; you'll get through all the chaos! If you ever feel like talking, I'm here Mondays 6-9pm! 
-Heather

From May

​Hi! I'm May. I'm so glad you reached out. That sounds like a tough situation and I'm sorry you're going through that. My biggest advice would be to get out of your house when you can. It's good to get yourself out of that chaos and get your mind off of it. One place you can do that that I would suggest is called The Foundation. They have a teen center that is a great spot to go hangout and meet new people. (https://www.thefoundationwa.org/for-our-youth) Another place to go is the library (https://www.fvrl.org/). They have events all the time there and even when there's not an event, it's a fun place to hang out. Another suggestion I have is to make sure you're taking care of yourself, do things for yourself. This could be eating food you like, doing a hobby you enjoy, watching a tv show, or just anything that you like to do for yourself. I hope that my advice has helped you, and if you want to talk more, we are open 4-9 Monday through Thursday (except for this week, as we are closed for the fourth of July) and 4-7 on Friday. I hope you can reach out again if you need further support! 

From Emma

​I’m sorry that you have to went through it, it sounds like you are scared and confuse due to the chaos. If you can I think you should sometimes go to a close relative or close friends place if things are to overwhelmed for you. This can help you to feel safe and calm. Also being with the people that you feel safe can help you see ways to stop the chaos as well. -Emma-

From Anna

Hi, thank you so much for contacting TeenTalk. I am sorry that you have to go through that. Has your psychiatrist given you any tips about dealing with chaos? Sometimes with chaos you just have to step back away from it and examine the whole picture. Taking time for yourself is also really important because it can get very easy to lose yourself during times of chaos. Adding events and things you have to do to a planner or calendar can help if you find yourself forgetting things while dealing with other issues. I hope my suggestions are able to help you and please feel free to contact us if you need someone to talk to!

from eric

​Hey, thank you so much for reaching out. Honestly, I could not relate to you more than just after reading your message. My mom also has bipolar, and although there are 2 different types, I can still have somewhat of a grasp of what you're going through. The fact that you reached out to somebody, tells me it's probably at a rather concerning stage. When she is in her manic stages, I would try to make her come back to reality a little bit, try and soothingly tell her to try and calm down a little bit. I would also try and see if it would be possible to get her on a medication. Once my mom was properly medicated, it completely changed our lives and relationship. Most of all though, for yourself, never blame yourself or think you're at fault when it comes to your mom. If your mom is anything like how my mom used to be, it's really easy to feel like you're constantly at fault for things, but trust me, no yelling or manic episodes your mom has, are your fault or anything you can control. I truly hope things get better. -Eric

06/14/2024 - HOW TO TELL MY DAD

I have lived with my mom since third grade. I go stay with my dad for a week every summer. He just texted me that this summer he wants me to spend the whole summer with him and is getting the plan tickers. I want to do things with my friends this summer. I don't want to spend a while summer with his new wife. How do I tell him on Sunday that I don't want to spend the whole summer with him when I don't want to make him mad.

from quinn

Hello, thank you for messaging, it takes a lot of courage to contact us. It sounds like a tough situation, and it's understandable that you might not know how to approach it.
I think if you don’t want to make him mad its good to stick to reasons that don’t apply specifically to him. Like you want to hang out with friends, you already have plans, it’s a big change, or you like having some of that time with your mom, any reason that external is more neutral. Don’t blame him I guess. And buffering with compliments like “oh I would like to but…”. you could suggest a alternative, like If you want to spend more time with him you could suggest spending more time with him but not the whole summer.
I don’t know your exact reasoning for not wanting to or not knowing how to tell him, but those are good ways of softening the blow. If your just worried about hurting his feelings and you have a good relationship with him it might be good to just be honest about why you don’t want to.
I really hope it goes well for you! Thanks so much for messaging!
-Quinn

from heather

Hello! Thank you so much for reaching out to us, it's not an easy thing to do. This is a tough situation, but you deserve to be able to express how you feel! Even though I'm not sure how your dad will respond, I'm sure he will be happy that you felt comfortable sharing how you feel about spending the whole summer with him. You can suggest staying for only a portion of the summer so you still have the chance to hangout with your friends. Or if you're comfortable, tell your dad that you'd like to spend some time with your friends over the summer as well and see what you two can come up with as a solution! No matter what happens, it's okay for you to not want to spend the whole summer with you dad! I wish you the best of luck and I hope you have an amazing summer 🙂Feel free to reach out, I'm here Mondays 6-9pm. Your voice matters! ​

from dahlia

Hey, I’m Dahlia. I understand how uncomfortable it can be to feel obligated to say yes to plans even when you are not sure if you want to follow through with them. I believe it is best to be honest with your father. Start off by telling him you cannot stay with him the whole summer. Then, briefly explaining why you can’t stay the whole summer (you have other plans.) It helps ease tension when saying no if you also share your feelings afterwards. For example, you could tell your dad you feel sad about not being able to spend the whole summer with him, but perhaps next time you can spend more time with him. If he does get mad, it is likely because he feels sad that he won’t get to see you or spend more time with you. I hope he takes into consideration your feelings and plans!
Thanks for reaching out! I have a couple of potential ideas.
Does your dad live in an area near where your friends live too? Perhaps you could find a way to spend time with both. 
Maybe another compromise could be spending half, or a portion of, the summer with him but not the whole summer?
Honestly, I’m not sure what to say, because I have never had divorced parents or an experience like that. But I hope that all goes well with you, and perhaps my co-volunteers will have some great ideas!

from May

Hi! I'm May. I'm so glad you contacted us for support. That does sound like a tough situation and I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I completely understand why you would not want to go and it is completely valid that you feel that way. It completely makes sense that you want to spend time with your friends with all the time you have on your hands during the summer! Do you think it would be possible to explore compromising with your dad and go for a couple weeks extra, instead of the entire summer like he wants? I hope your dad understands, and I hope your conversation with him goes well. If you want to talk more, don't hesitate to reach out! This week, we are closed Wednesday, but we are open for messages and calls Tuesday and Thursday 4-9, and Friday 4-7. ​

10/28/2023- sister

I just found that my sister has had suicidal thoughts Ian’s makes me depressed because I didn’t know she had them and it makes me feel bad like I did something that made her feel this way ,but I didn’t and I’m having thoughts of suicide too but luckily we both have counselors to talk too about this it makes me feel so bad about what I have done and said too her and it makes me depressed that all we do is fight and she’s only 13 and I’m only 16 about to 17 we’re both so young and have gone through so much and I don’t want me or her taking our life’s but I hope we dont

from bri

Hi :) It can be so difficult when you're having a hard time while at the same time trying to help someone else. Sometimes depression is very chemical rather than being a result of a situation (or sometimes a bit of both) but you can't make someone have those thoughts and that isn't your fault. I think you are really thoughtful for noticing and being worried about your sister and I am sure she sees that you are there for her. It can be a lot to both have a lot going on and even if you fight, sometimes that is just the naturally large amounts of stress just trying to get out in any way you can. I think sometimes being very honest and simply saying "I am really glad you are here, even when we fight" can let the other person know how you feel. I am so glad that you have a counselor and so does your sister, that is so important. And I am really glad that you are still here because you seem pretty amazing. I hope you message back :) ​

from Jen

​Thank you for reaching out to teen talk, I’m really glad that you were brave to share what’s been difficult for you and your sister. It’s not your fault that your sister and you have been having suicidal thoughts. It’s also not your fault that you weren’t aware of how your sister was feeling. It can take time to open up about suicidal feelings, I know that for me, it took me a long time before I told anyone but when I did I was able to talk about it which made it less scary. I learned that there are different kind of suicidal thoughts. I thought that suicidal thoughts meant that eventually I would act on them but I learned through talking with a counselor that I was having passive suicidal thoughts. I never acted on my thoughts and I knew I wouldn’t which helped me to be less stressed but it was still really hard. It sounds like things have been really hard for you both and I know you can get through this. Something that can help when having those thoughts is to remember that -you are not your thoughts-. Having any kind of thought does not mean you will act on it. I have a lot of intrusive thoughts and it really helps me to completely separate my thoughts from my actions. Whatever thoughts pop into my head I tell myself that it’s just a thought. Just because I have an intrusive thought doesn’t mean I will act on it. You can even give thoughts you don’t want a name (like BillyBob or any name you can think of). Next time you have those thoughts you can say in your head or out loud -Billybob(or any name) is having suicidal thoughts(or any thoughts you don’t want). By doing this it can help to separate those thoughts and not have as much stress that you will act on them. This works for me but everyone is different so if it doesn’t work for you I encourage you to try and find something that will help make this easier for you. I’m sorry things have been so hard for you and if you ever are worried out of your sister is worried about acting on your thoughts please call the crisis line at 1-800-626-8137. Or if you ever want to talk with me or any other of the amazing volunteers at teen talk we’d be happy to help and listen.
-Jen

from quinn

hello, your sister having suicidal thoughts is not your fault. there was no way you could of known, and you did the best with the info that you had at the time. if the roles were reversed would blame her? you could try to talk to her about how you feel, and being sorry about things you have said. you sound like a good older sibling, and like you care about her a lot. i hope your sister and you will be fine and recover. if you feel like you need help you could call 988 or the crisis line, 1806268137. if you want to talk about it more you could message Teentalk. -Quinn

from mia

Hello! Thank you for writing to us! I'm sorry to hear about everything that you're going through right now. That must be a lot to handle for you especially since it's someone who is so close to you. I know that you must feel guilty about why your sister is having these thoughts, but it could always be something else as well. I hope for the best for you! Please don't hesitate to reach out to us!

from stella

​I completely understand where you're coming from. Learning that someone close to you is having bad thoughts like that can be really difficult. Something to remember is that your sister's experience is not at all indicative of your value as a person or a sibling. Just because she's feeling like this right now doesn't mean she, or you, will forever. Keep in mind that you have those resources, and that if things ever get too bad, there are people in your life that love you, and would definitely lend an ear, should you need it. If you feel like all you do is fight, maybe find something you can both bond over, like a TV show, or a game you can play together. Remind your sister that you're there for her, and that neither of you should have to go through this alone. You are strong, and you can make it through this together. Have a lovely day, and please remember that you aren't alone in this. <3

05/26/2023 - My father and his familY

I go to my dad's house every two weekends and he's a huge f****** d***head to me. He's been off his antidepressants for a while now but even when he was on them he was better but still kind of a jerk. He hates my mom since the divorce almost 3 years ago and lives with his mom. He hates how my mom has a new boyfriend but he talks to a bunch of girls online and calls my mom a wh*re whenever she just says something like "when are u picking the kids up." I understand his life is kind of a mess cuz my grandma is a b**** to everyone especially him but it's no excuse to be a d***. He yells at me and my brothers for just asking questions and I can't talk to him about it cuz he'll get even more mad. And I don't have the choice to just not go to his house because the court law and my mom wants to see her boyfriend on the weekends. I just f****** hate going to his house it stresses me out so much.

From Bri

Hi, I am so sorry to hear that weekends have not been going super great. I am honestly so in awe that you are able to be so empathetic and you seem like really aware. I know what its like to feel like you can't talk to someone that is supposed to be the person to turn to and while I don't know exactly what you're going through I can only imagine its been pretty rough. Well, it sounds like rough might be an understatement but I get it. Is there anyway that you could physically remove yourself from the situation? Like if you aren't able to leave the house, maybe theres a different room you could go in or headphones you could put in, or if you were able to go for a walk. Just anything to kind of get removed from the situation? Ugh, that sounds like a lot going on. What have you been doing to destress? I feel like taking care of you is so important and sometimes underrated but taking little moments for you can be really important. There are so many resources for self-care and it might be worth taking a look at some self-care ideas. When I am super stressed out I really like creating a cozy corner with all my favorite things like blankets and pillows and things I like and tea and nesting in my pile of goods while watching my favorite tv show. I don't know if that sounds like you, but that is my favorite de-stressor. I know it can be hard to reach out but I really am glad that you decided to message us and we hope to hear back from you :)

From David

Hello, my name's David and I really appreciate your bravery in reaching out. I definitely think your feelings are justified and that if your dad is being rude you have the right to speak up for yourself. Of course it's easier said than done because not many are willing to listen but I'm really glad that you're brave enough to tell someone, like us at TeenTalk. If your dad is rude and mean did the court not take that into account? Can you not appeal the order and say that your dad is not providing a good living environment? I know thats also easier said than done but it seems like hes also rude to your mom and siblings. If you hate his house you can maybe try staying less in it by spending more time outside or with your friends on weekends. Again I appreciate you for reaching out and I really hope you're able to find a solution!

From Leslie

hey, thank you for reaching out to teentalk and giving us the opportunity to support you with this :) i don't know exactly what you're going through, but i have to spend time with my mom through a court order and i absolutely hate it so i can kinda relate to you there. situations like this suck so much, especially because it's hard to get out of them. plus having family that fuels the fire surely doesn't help :( honestly, i would try to talk to your mom about this and see if she's willing to help or take you and your brothers full time. maybe try to spend more time with your brothers and build a support system of you all so you can get through these stays a little bit easier :) if you ever want to you can reach out to the text or call line for some instant responses. i'm personally on at 4-7pm on wednesdays if you ever want to talk to someone who has some similar experiences. i hope you have an amazing rest of your day/night and i genuinely wish you the best!

From Jen

That sucks, I'm sorry it's been a stressful time for you. It seems like you are very understanding of your family even when it's hard and that speaks a lot about your character. It shows a lot of kindness and compassion and you deserve that same kindness. Is there anyone you could talk to outside of your family about how life at your house has been making you feel? I think that could be really helpful and you can always reach out to us at Teen Talk if you ever need someone to listen.

From Maggie

hello!

i'm so, so glad you reached out. having all this stress on you must be so incredibly tiring - i hope you're getting some rest and taking time for yourself. your dad sounds kinda awful, and i'm really sorry that he's been treating you and your mom this way. his actions definitely aren't fair and sound incredibly cruel and painful. it's really frustrating when someone directs so much negative emotion at you even though you haven't really done anything. sending lots of hugs <3

i wanted to take a second and acknowledge how much i respect you for trying to see things from his perspective by acknowledging how your grandma doesn't treat him very well. even though his actions are inexcusable and he's caused you so much pain, you still have empathy for him - this is SO hard to do, and i admire your strength in being able to do so.

is there someone you trust in your life who you feel comfortable talking to about this? if not, you can always give us a call too - we'd love to hear from you. it can be reassuring to know that there's someone next to you who will listen and try to understand what you're going through. i wonder if it's possible to talk to your dad about this too - he does sound unreasonable, and it might not be the best idea depending on the specifics of the situation, but if you feel safe mentioning your feelings to him, it might be worth a shot to let him know how much he's hurt you and how much stress he causes you. when you go to his house, too, maybe try to take something you like to do with you! you could journal, knit, read a book - any activity you might enjoy could potentially distract you from the situation and release some of your stress.

​i really, really hope things get better for you - your bravery is incredible and i'm proud of you for making it this far. you got this <3

- maggie

From Amelia

Hey there, my name is Amelia, thanks for reaching out. I'm sorry you're having to go through that and don't feel safe at home with your dad. Have you been able to talk at all with your mom about what's going on and how you're feeling? Maybe you guys could come up with a plan to help with the situation. If things do end up coming down to it, I know that depending on your age, your opinion does hold value in court. If you stated that you did not want to see your father as frequently then the judge might reconsider the decision. I would definitely say that you should try to work things out first but if that is just not possible you might want to look further into this. I really do wish you the best and feel free to reach back out to us any time.
​- Amelia

From Mia

Hello! Thank you for reaching out to us! I'm sorry that you're having issues with your father. That must be really hard for you to deal with. You both must be going through a lot, and I understand how that might be really stressful for you. You don't deserve to be put through that at all. There must a reason that your father yells a lot. It seems like he must be dealing a lot as well which doesn't excuse his behavior, but definitely provides a reason for it. Have you tried talking to your mom about it? maybe she would be understanding of it and try to help. If not your mom maybe confiding in someone else of authority could help or even ranting to a good friend. Thank you so much for reaching out and we would love to hear from you if you ever want to talk!

From Grace

Hi, I am so sorry to hear that, that sounds like such a stressful and emotionally challenging environment to be in. It can be really hard to share personal things in your life, thank you so much for sharing! Do you have any ways that you cope when you have to deal with such a hard situation? I haven't been in your situation and I can't imagine how hard it must be but I have found that sometimes you can make a list of 5 things that bring you happiness and whenever you find yourself experiencing those really tough things that you can do one of them to help your mental health. My parents are divorced too and I feel like I'm pulled between them and their fighting, is that how you sometimes feel too? That is very considerate of you to view it from his side too, that must be really tough. Do you feel safe conveying your feelings to him or not so much? I really hope that you don't have to deal with such a hard situation with him your next weekend or at the very least that you get to rest and take care of yourself before having to go into such a draining environment. I would love to hear back from you if you are comfortable!
​- Grace

05/14/2023 - my dad

so my dad likes to suddenly change his mood and starts yelling at me for no reason then i get mad and he starts yelling more. then if i don’t respond to him he still gets mad.

FROM MIA

Hello! Thank you for reaching out to us. I’m sorry that your father yells at you often. That must be so difficult to deal with. You’re awesome for staying so strong through this! I hope there is some one in your life you can confide in about this. Do you have any way of coping with this? Do you do anything to take you mind off of what’s going on? it must be difficult to deal with this alone. If you ever want to talk, don’t hesitate to reach out to us! We’d love to hear from you!

FROM AMELIA

Hi there, my name is Amelia and I wanted to thank you for reaching out to us here at TeenTalk.

It takes a lot to reach out so you should be very proud of yourself. I'm sorry things at home for you are unpredictable and stressful. Do you find certain situations where these outbreaks from you dad tend to happen more?

Have you been able to talk to other family members about the yelling, and how they best navigate it?

Of course I don't know the situation, but maybe finding some answers to these questions can help you be better prepared for the next time it happens or even de-escalate the situation before he starts yelling.

You should also know that just as things are hard for you and me, your dad might also be going through some tough things right now but that of course does not excuse his behavior.

I just wanted to say thanks again for reaching out and TeenTalk is always available if you ever want to talk or wish to continue this conversation.

Make sure to take care of your self,
​Amelia

From David

Thanks for reaching out! I completely understand your frustration as I also sometimes argue with my dad. I think most people get in disputes with the parents. If your dad does keep changing his mood maybe theirs something bothering him like a pet peeve or something because I get really annoyed when my parents try and talk to me about certain things which sometimes leads to an argument. Maybe try and talk to him about it and in an argument try and not raise your voice because that can escalate the situation. I know it's harder said than done because it is really frustrating but it does help if you try and defuse the situation by having a conversation instead of an argument. I hope your dad is understanding if you try to talk to him and I wish you the best of luck!

From Bri

​Wow, that must be really confusing when that happens. I can totally relate to not knowing what to say when someone is yelling at me, I completely blank, and at least for me, it gives me even more anxiety when I know not knowing what to say will make a person angry. What happens after he yells? That must be a lot to handle. Have you told anyone else about this? I hope that maybe there is a kind teacher or neighbor who might be able to help. It sounds like a lot to try to handle on your own. It also sounds like it is really hard to know what to do, like you can't respond and you can't not respond. When he is calm, have you ever talked to him to problem solve around how to handle problems like that in the future (only if you feel safe asking though)?