05/26/2023 - My father and his familY
I go to my dad's house every two weekends and he's a huge f****** d***head to me. He's been off his antidepressants for a while now but even when he was on them he was better but still kind of a jerk. He hates my mom since the divorce almost 3 years ago and lives with his mom. He hates how my mom has a new boyfriend but he talks to a bunch of girls online and calls my mom a wh*re whenever she just says something like "when are u picking the kids up." I understand his life is kind of a mess cuz my grandma is a b**** to everyone especially him but it's no excuse to be a d***. He yells at me and my brothers for just asking questions and I can't talk to him about it cuz he'll get even more mad. And I don't have the choice to just not go to his house because the court law and my mom wants to see her boyfriend on the weekends. I just f****** hate going to his house it stresses me out so much.
Hi, I am so sorry to hear that weekends have not been going super great. I am honestly so in awe that you are able to be so empathetic and you seem like really aware. I know what its like to feel like you can't talk to someone that is supposed to be the person to turn to and while I don't know exactly what you're going through I can only imagine its been pretty rough. Well, it sounds like rough might be an understatement but I get it. Is there anyway that you could physically remove yourself from the situation? Like if you aren't able to leave the house, maybe theres a different room you could go in or headphones you could put in, or if you were able to go for a walk. Just anything to kind of get removed from the situation? Ugh, that sounds like a lot going on. What have you been doing to destress? I feel like taking care of you is so important and sometimes underrated but taking little moments for you can be really important. There are so many resources for self-care and it might be worth taking a look at some self-care ideas. When I am super stressed out I really like creating a cozy corner with all my favorite things like blankets and pillows and things I like and tea and nesting in my pile of goods while watching my favorite tv show. I don't know if that sounds like you, but that is my favorite de-stressor. I know it can be hard to reach out but I really am glad that you decided to message us and we hope to hear back from you :)
Hello, my name's David and I really appreciate your bravery in reaching out. I definitely think your feelings are justified and that if your dad is being rude you have the right to speak up for yourself. Of course it's easier said than done because not many are willing to listen but I'm really glad that you're brave enough to tell someone, like us at TeenTalk. If your dad is rude and mean did the court not take that into account? Can you not appeal the order and say that your dad is not providing a good living environment? I know thats also easier said than done but it seems like hes also rude to your mom and siblings. If you hate his house you can maybe try staying less in it by spending more time outside or with your friends on weekends. Again I appreciate you for reaching out and I really hope you're able to find a solution!
hey, thank you for reaching out to teentalk and giving us the opportunity to support you with this :) i don't know exactly what you're going through, but i have to spend time with my mom through a court order and i absolutely hate it so i can kinda relate to you there. situations like this suck so much, especially because it's hard to get out of them. plus having family that fuels the fire surely doesn't help :( honestly, i would try to talk to your mom about this and see if she's willing to help or take you and your brothers full time. maybe try to spend more time with your brothers and build a support system of you all so you can get through these stays a little bit easier :) if you ever want to you can reach out to the text or call line for some instant responses. i'm personally on at 4-7pm on wednesdays if you ever want to talk to someone who has some similar experiences. i hope you have an amazing rest of your day/night and i genuinely wish you the best!
That sucks, I'm sorry it's been a stressful time for you. It seems like you are very understanding of your family even when it's hard and that speaks a lot about your character. It shows a lot of kindness and compassion and you deserve that same kindness. Is there anyone you could talk to outside of your family about how life at your house has been making you feel? I think that could be really helpful and you can always reach out to us at Teen Talk if you ever need someone to listen.
i'm so, so glad you reached out. having all this stress on you must be so incredibly tiring - i hope you're getting some rest and taking time for yourself. your dad sounds kinda awful, and i'm really sorry that he's been treating you and your mom this way. his actions definitely aren't fair and sound incredibly cruel and painful. it's really frustrating when someone directs so much negative emotion at you even though you haven't really done anything. sending lots of hugs <3
i wanted to take a second and acknowledge how much i respect you for trying to see things from his perspective by acknowledging how your grandma doesn't treat him very well. even though his actions are inexcusable and he's caused you so much pain, you still have empathy for him - this is SO hard to do, and i admire your strength in being able to do so.
is there someone you trust in your life who you feel comfortable talking to about this? if not, you can always give us a call too - we'd love to hear from you. it can be reassuring to know that there's someone next to you who will listen and try to understand what you're going through. i wonder if it's possible to talk to your dad about this too - he does sound unreasonable, and it might not be the best idea depending on the specifics of the situation, but if you feel safe mentioning your feelings to him, it might be worth a shot to let him know how much he's hurt you and how much stress he causes you. when you go to his house, too, maybe try to take something you like to do with you! you could journal, knit, read a book - any activity you might enjoy could potentially distract you from the situation and release some of your stress.
i really, really hope things get better for you - your bravery is incredible and i'm proud of you for making it this far. you got this <3
Hey there, my name is Amelia, thanks for reaching out. I'm sorry you're having to go through that and don't feel safe at home with your dad. Have you been able to talk at all with your mom about what's going on and how you're feeling? Maybe you guys could come up with a plan to help with the situation. If things do end up coming down to it, I know that depending on your age, your opinion does hold value in court. If you stated that you did not want to see your father as frequently then the judge might reconsider the decision. I would definitely say that you should try to work things out first but if that is just not possible you might want to look further into this. I really do wish you the best and feel free to reach back out to us any time.
Hello! Thank you for reaching out to us! I'm sorry that you're having issues with your father. That must be really hard for you to deal with. You both must be going through a lot, and I understand how that might be really stressful for you. You don't deserve to be put through that at all. There must a reason that your father yells a lot. It seems like he must be dealing a lot as well which doesn't excuse his behavior, but definitely provides a reason for it. Have you tried talking to your mom about it? maybe she would be understanding of it and try to help. If not your mom maybe confiding in someone else of authority could help or even ranting to a good friend. Thank you so much for reaching out and we would love to hear from you if you ever want to talk!
Hi, I am so sorry to hear that, that sounds like such a stressful and emotionally challenging environment to be in. It can be really hard to share personal things in your life, thank you so much for sharing! Do you have any ways that you cope when you have to deal with such a hard situation? I haven't been in your situation and I can't imagine how hard it must be but I have found that sometimes you can make a list of 5 things that bring you happiness and whenever you find yourself experiencing those really tough things that you can do one of them to help your mental health. My parents are divorced too and I feel like I'm pulled between them and their fighting, is that how you sometimes feel too? That is very considerate of you to view it from his side too, that must be really tough. Do you feel safe conveying your feelings to him or not so much? I really hope that you don't have to deal with such a hard situation with him your next weekend or at the very least that you get to rest and take care of yourself before having to go into such a draining environment. I would love to hear back from you if you are comfortable!
05/14/2023 - my dad
so my dad likes to suddenly change his mood and starts yelling at me for no reason then i get mad and he starts yelling more. then if i don’t respond to him he still gets mad.
Hello! Thank you for reaching out to us. I’m sorry that your father yells at you often. That must be so difficult to deal with. You’re awesome for staying so strong through this! I hope there is some one in your life you can confide in about this. Do you have any way of coping with this? Do you do anything to take you mind off of what’s going on? it must be difficult to deal with this alone. If you ever want to talk, don’t hesitate to reach out to us! We’d love to hear from you!
Hi there, my name is Amelia and I wanted to thank you for reaching out to us here at TeenTalk.
It takes a lot to reach out so you should be very proud of yourself. I'm sorry things at home for you are unpredictable and stressful. Do you find certain situations where these outbreaks from you dad tend to happen more?
Have you been able to talk to other family members about the yelling, and how they best navigate it?
Of course I don't know the situation, but maybe finding some answers to these questions can help you be better prepared for the next time it happens or even de-escalate the situation before he starts yelling.
You should also know that just as things are hard for you and me, your dad might also be going through some tough things right now but that of course does not excuse his behavior.
I just wanted to say thanks again for reaching out and TeenTalk is always available if you ever want to talk or wish to continue this conversation.
Make sure to take care of your self,
Thanks for reaching out! I completely understand your frustration as I also sometimes argue with my dad. I think most people get in disputes with the parents. If your dad does keep changing his mood maybe theirs something bothering him like a pet peeve or something because I get really annoyed when my parents try and talk to me about certain things which sometimes leads to an argument. Maybe try and talk to him about it and in an argument try and not raise your voice because that can escalate the situation. I know it's harder said than done because it is really frustrating but it does help if you try and defuse the situation by having a conversation instead of an argument. I hope your dad is understanding if you try to talk to him and I wish you the best of luck!
Wow, that must be really confusing when that happens. I can totally relate to not knowing what to say when someone is yelling at me, I completely blank, and at least for me, it gives me even more anxiety when I know not knowing what to say will make a person angry. What happens after he yells? That must be a lot to handle. Have you told anyone else about this? I hope that maybe there is a kind teacher or neighbor who might be able to help. It sounds like a lot to try to handle on your own. It also sounds like it is really hard to know what to do, like you can't respond and you can't not respond. When he is calm, have you ever talked to him to problem solve around how to handle problems like that in the future (only if you feel safe asking though)?
hey there, that sounds very difficult. it's so hard to manage a parent with a lot of mood swings so i just want to say i'm proud of you for sticking through it so far. sometimes it feels like there just isn't a right answer, and that might be the case. have you tried talking to another adult family member about his behavior? they could give you some advice or maybe even reach out to him to figure out what's wrong. i'd also recommend making sure you take care of yourself because it can be super mentally taxing to be in a situation like this and the last thing i'd want is for you to be overwhelmed and stressed by everything. i hope everything works out and if you ever want more help or just want to update us you can always reach out to the main line :)
03/17/2022 - I JUST FEEL SICK WHEN I GO HOME
I get really stressed when I go home form my parents arguing and homework my family get mad at me alot because I dont have the best grades in the world and they want me to pass but im so stressed from it I just cant get it done from that.
Hello! I'm so glad you decided to reach out about this, family struggles are definitely some of the toughest to navigate. I don't know exactly what you're going through, but I have some very close friends who talk about having similar experiences.
Parents of course want what's best for us, hence the stressing over your grades, but I totally have seen how that creates a stressful and unproductive environment...
Really the best thing you can do is talk to them because they might not see how their arguing and getting on you about school is affecting you. Keeping the conversation calm if possible and just explaining how you're feeling is a good way to get it all out there.
To be completely honest my friends refuse to talk to their parents, but personally whenever my family is doing something that makes me stressed I try to find a moment to tell them how I'm feeling and even if nothing immediately changes I can see when they reword something or ask in a less stressful way for me how school is going. It's definitely worth a shot. Also make sure to do some self care too, you could set like a 20-30 minute timer everyday to do something you like. Drawing, writing, playing a game, anything. It's a small enough time so you have plenty to eat and do school, but that way it'll hopefully let you relax a bit at home and help relieve some of that stress. I hope this helps, you got this!!
Hey, thanks for reaching out :) I am really sorry to hear that home life is stressful, I really hate that pit in your stomach that can hurt so much that it becomes distracting in and of itself. I recently was feeling really stressed and what really helped me was going on a short walk around the block. Not much just enough to breathe the air and get away from stress a tiny bit.
And then I was working on trying to forgive myself. Forgive my brain for not being where I want to be. Forgive my body for the stress I am feeling and that it is responding by making me feel sick inside. That my body is doing the best it can. And to try to forgive others for loving so much that they don't know how to express their concern or their vulnerability and not knowing how to handle not being able to fix something out of their control. But mostly forgiving yourself, because you're doing the very best that you can. And that is good enough. That will ALWAYS be good enough. Because just being is pretty dang splendid and I am so freaking proud of you. And you should be proud of yourself. Because you have grades. And that means you haven't given up. I know classes don't give participation grades but in life, I really feel like showing up to life wins you the biggest gold star that you can find. I still remember a few years ago that I was so stressed I watched all 10 seasons of friends in like 3 weeks. And if you are doing the math, that's like 11 hours a day like I don't even know where I found the time, but just being was a lot back then. But you know what? I'm okay. Like the world didn't explode, I am doing okay, and I made it through a rough time in the best way I knew how. Not that I recommend the method, but like my point is you don't give yourself enough credit for the little things, you know?
I found this book (How to love the world--poems of gratitude and hope, edited by james crews, forward by ross gay) yesterday and it really jumped off the shelf at me and some of the quotes really stuck out to me. In such a big way that I totally defaced the book with a pen and highlighter which I pretty much never do (except for school). Plus I never feel compelled to read the intro stuff like the forwards or anything but for some reason I read it and it was one of my favorite parts of the book so far. But anyway, here are a few that really changed how I was feeling about stress and negativity I was having: "in daily life, we must see that is not happiness that makes us grateful. It is gratefulness that makes us happy" "we can survive without it [hope], but we cannot thrive". And probably the part that most got me was this lady was talking about waking up in a grumpy mood even though shes a morning person and just having a roughhhhh day and her husband or whoever was like "are you happy to be alive?" and she looks over at him all glaring and unhappy but that what he said stuck with her and she later was able to be like yeah I am happy to be alive. Happy to be safe and have food and access to education and with family and even the anger was a reminder that she was alive and that without the bitter you don't get the sweet. Idk, I don't know why it touched me so much but yesterday it did and I really wanted to share it with you.
I am really sorry things have been so difficult recently, and I'd really love to hear more about it. I truly believe in you and I am so proud of all that you do to just be you.
Hey it's David thanks for reaching out. I understand where your coming from with parents not supporting you and hampering you about your grades. Grades aren't everything and I'm sure you have so many other talents and grades don't define you. You could try talking with them about the stress your feeling and that it's not helping you get your work done and maybe they can help if they truly care about your grades. You can also work with your teachers or school counsellors and they can help you get better grades or help out with what you might be struggling with. You are your own person with your own characteristics and unique skills and you sure to be a successful person!
Hi, thank you for writing us! You are so strong for reaching out for support. That sounds very stressful, I completely understand why you have a hard time getting work done in an unsupportive environment. I am so sorry to hear that your family gets mad at you for your grades. I'm sure they just want you to do your best and succeed, but angry words can still hurt. If you think its appropriate, maybe try having a conversation with them about how you're feeling stressed at home. When I had issues with my parents, I built up the courage to talk to them about it and things are going so much smoother now. It can be nerve wracking, but preparing what you want to say could be helpful if you choose to talk to them. Sometimes, people aren't ready to adjust or change and we need to separate ourselves from the situation. For your own well being in a situation like that, I'd recommend identifying some spaces where you are able to relax, do homework or just exist in an environment that isn't stressful. Maybe its a friend or family members home, a classroom, a park etc. If you are able to try any of these things, feel free to write us back or call/text during our hours and let us know how it went. Hang in there, you are stronger than you think :)