10/05/2023 - How do I know if i'm trans?
For over a year, I've thought that i'm transgender, but I don't want to make an assumption before i'm sure. For feedback purposes, I am under 16 years old and I believe i'm FTM. I've always had better boy friends than girl and I hate how my chest and body looks. I've had people use he/him pronouns on me and it makes me feel better about myself. If i were to come out and then say i'm wrong, that would be really awkward.
From Mia
Hello! Thank you for writing to us. I understand that this must be confusing for you to be going through. Remember that you don't have to have everything figured out yet. You still have time to get to know yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself. Do what will make you happy in the moment! Thank you for reaching out! If you would like to talk about this more. don't hesitate to reach out! From Dahlia
Hi there. Thank you for sharing. I know it must feel overwhelming and confusing to feel these things. Remember that the people here at Teentalk care for you no matter what. Questioning your identity is something that can be really confusing. I saw a testimony about a transgender person a few weeks ago and they said that it is important to find the root of why you believe you are trans or why you aren't comfortable in your own body. Despite what you decide, you are loved. Please feel free to share with us what you decide if you feel comfortable doing so. We are here for you. From Bri
Hi there :) What a good question :) I think this question is so absolutely valid. Have you ever heard of the gender-bread? Its a worksheet: https://www.publichealthpost.org/databyte/genderbread-person/ Society really teaches us that gender as "definite" but in reality, things are more on a spectrum. The first part of the genderbread person is "identity" and thats how manly or womanly you feel on the inside. And then the second one is your gender expression as how feminine or masculine you feel, and that is how you present to others and how your dress/demeanor/etc. comes across. And then the next one is biological sex and while that may sound straightforward to some, but in reality there are people with both genitalia (who are described as intersex), there are people with both male and female genetics, there are people who have different amounts of female or male physical traits. And then there is who you are sexually or romantically attracted to on the genderbread worksheet as well. It can be really difficult when you are soul search to figure out where you fit on that genderbread. I also want you to know that it is totally okay to come out and evolve in how you identify. There are also people who identify as gender fluid and one moment could feel on one part of the spectrum and then another moment they could be the complete opposite and that is okay. Hopefully you are able to make sure you stay safe if you choose to come out. Another great resource in the community is called Triple Point and they offer support groups in a non-descript location and they are a really great support for as you are processing this. I am so glad you reached out and I hope you check back in so we know how things are going for you :) From David
It's completely okay to have the feelings and thoughts you're experiencing and you're really brave for reaching out! Figuring out your gender identity is pretty complex and it's totally normal to have uncertainties and nervousness. You should be able to explore your gender identity without pressure or judgment. You could take the time to explore yourself. Your thoughts, feelings, and what you want to be. If you want you can talk with a trusted friend, adult or counselor. If you're really struggling I'd recommend reaching out for professional help from a therapist or doctor you can trust. People who really support you will be ok with your decision, whatever it is. You can't really be "wrong" about these things because it's about you! From Eric
Hey, thank you for reaching out! It's totally okay to not be sure yet. These things can take time. If you're still not 100% certain, then I would advise to continue trying to find yourself until you are ready. From Jen
Hello! Thank you for sending a message to teen talk and for having the courage to share. I’ve never personally had this experience before but I do know people close to me who are trans or went through a time of questioning. If using he/him pronouns make you feel confident and happy then I think you should do whatever makes you happy. Whether he/him or different pronouns you can always change what pronouns you use if you decide different ones suit you better. I’m female and in middle school I had mostly guy friends and I also really hated how getting older meant my body would change since I prefer not having defined features. I like being a girl but I also like to be a bit androgynous. During dance class I pretended to be a boy so I could dance with my friend who was a girl and sometimes I get misgendered and it doesn’t bother me since sometimes that’s the look I’m going for. However that is just my personal experience and everyone is different. If you were to come out and change your mind that is completely fine. It may be uncomfortable or awkward like you were worried about but it also sounds like there are people in your life who will accept you whatever pronouns or identity you choose to have. You deserve to do what makes you feel happy and the most true to yourself. It’s okay to question and okay to change your mind. You also don’t have to choose one or the other, some people are gender fluid which means sometimes they may identify more with different genders at different times or no specific gender at all. There are many resources that can help you to read or watch people’s experiences or learn about different identities. It’s also okay to not identify as anything. You’re you and that’s what matters! Whoever you are isn’t defined only by words so whatever you choose to do just be true to yourself and you can’t go wrong. 03/22/2023 - Housing
I am homeless lgbtq
FROM MAGGIE
hey there! thanks so much for reaching out <3 it sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now, so i hope you're doing okay. even with everything going on, i hope that you've still been able to take some time for yourself. know that there are people who care about you and want to support you in any way possible! here are some resources that might offer some support! if you're 9-17 years old, you can reach out to the Oak Bridge Youth Shelter at 360.891.2634 or 1.888.979.4357 (open 24/7), and if you're 18 or over, you can call the Housing Solutions Center Hotline at 360.695.9677 (open monday to friday 9 am-5 pm, and weekends and holidays 11 am - 2 pm). they'll help make sure that you have a safe place to sleep. you can also find more resources/support on this page, and feel free to let us know if you have any questions about anything! when i'm struggling, it can be comforting to talk to someone who has once gone through the same thing. here are some lgbtq+ resources as well! specifically, if you're 13-18 years old and in the Clark County area, Triple Point is a really good resource to meet peers who can relate to your experiences (call 360.695.1325 for more information!). sometimes, it can be nice to talk to someone who might understand a little more than the average person. and finally, if you ever just need a friend to chat with, or an open ear to listen to anything you're dealing with, reach out to us! we're here to listen <3 - maggie FROM LESLIE
hey there! that sounds like a really rough situation, so i just want to let you know that you're incredibly strong. along with that, there are always people willing to help. some resources i'd recommend for you to check out are Oak Bridge Youth Shelter if you're 17 or younger (their numbers are (360) 891-2634 and (888) 979-4357). if you're over 18 then the number (360) 695-9677 should be able to help as well! as for some places where you can get lgbtq+ support, Triple Point is a great place in Vancouver for that. our website has a bunch of resources that can help you find a safe space. if you need some more help or someone to talk to, you can reach out to us during 4-9pm monday through thursday and 4-7 on fridays for some faster responses :) FROM MAKAYLA
Hello, thank you for reaching out to us. I'm so sorry to hear that it sounds very hard to deal with. How are you coping with your situation? The most important thing to remember is that things will get better. You have to keep looking forward. Do you have anything to look forward to? 03/16/2022 - MY SEXUALITY
Okay, so I'm not sure of my sexuality yet, but, I THINK I might be Bi. But, my mom thinks that m|m or w|w are, for the lack of a better word, disgusting. This got me thinking, IF I WAS Bi, would she accept me (Mainly because I'm not convinced on my sexuality as I might not be into girls, and am probably straight)? And, my dad too. He thinks Homosexuality is a nonsense and a waste of time.
FROM MAGGIE
First of all, I want to emphasize that it's okay to not be sure. Life is all about growth and change as experiences come and go, and you might not know exactly who you are at times, but that is completely okay - in fact, it's a good thing! It shows that you're always listening to yourself and staying true to what you believe. So even though it may feel kind of weird now that you don't "know" yourself, trust me - you do know yourself, and even so, it's absolutely normal to be a little unsure. I can't speak for your parents, but I know this from my own experience - if I say that I hate something (like chocolate milk - true story), it just means I'm a little scared of it, and unfamiliar with it. Once I tried chocolate milk though, I fell in love with it! Same with your parents - they could just be scared. They might not truly know what homosexuality and the LGBTQ+ spectrum entails. No matter what happens, remember that even though they love you doesn't mean they have the right to invalidate who you are. Your parents love you, and I trust that no matter what, they will learn to accept you for your identity. Ultimately, don't feel pressured to "decide" your sexuality immediately. Exploring yourself takes time, and there is absolutely no rush! In that same vein, no matter what you discover about yourself, it's okay to not share it with your parents right away. Give yourself time to meet the new side of you that you just uncovered, and share it with your parents only when you feel ready. Again, there is no rush at all - don't ever feel like you "have" to do anything. Finally, I want to thank you. Sexuality can be very personal and sensitive, so I'm honored that you felt like you could trust us with this. I wish you the best of luck! FROM DAVID
Hello, my names David, thank for reaching out to TeenTalk! It's really important that you're comfortable in your own body and you understand yourself. you still have your whole life to figure out what you want and who you want to be with. It's tough that you have parent's that might not support you. You can try talking with them so they become familiar about how you feel and there are tools online to help people understand LGBTQ+ if they might not yet fully grasp it. Here are two resources:
FROM VALERIE
Hello! I'm so glad you decided to reach out, sexuality is a tough thing to navigate fs. While I am 100% not able to tell you if your mom and dad would accept you with open arms, I can say sexuality is a big part of a person's life, so figuring out how to talk to them about it is a great idea. If you're not sure about yourself but wanted to see how they might react, you could talk about a friend being gay or bi. It's really hard for a lot of people to understand things they didn't grow up talking about or being accepting of, so it can take some getting used to. Trying to keep a calm conversation and sharing points of view are how I've best navigated talking to someone about something they say is nonsense. You know your parents best so I'm confident however you decide to approach it will work out :)) I'm sorry you have to be put in this situation; I really hope however it pans out they accept you in the end because you deserve no less. -- Valerie FROM RIKA
Hey there! I'm so glad that you decided to write to us! I think you're pretty brave for trying to find out more about your identity, and doing so is definitely not nonsense or a waste of time. Unfortunately, based on the information you've provided about your mom, it doesn't seem like she would be that supportive if you were to let her know that you are, or you might be bisexual. However, people can change, and sometimes their opinions may change when they're confronted with a situation they never expected to face, which may offer them a new perspective on things. I can't say for sure how your mom would react though, since I don't know her personally. Do you have any ideas why your mom isn't so supportive of gay or lesbian people (like are there any religious factors or maybe things in her upbringing)? Speaking more with your mom about why she thinks what she thinks about the LGBTQ+ community may help you better understand where she's coming from. It may also help you figure out how to approach the subject with your mom if you wish. Whatever you decide to do, remember that it's okay if you're not completely sure of your sexuality. One's sexuality is a fluid thing, but that doesn't make your orientation now (or the label that you think best fits you) any less valid. :) 09/14/2021 - Who am I?
Hi I am 12 years old in 7th grade.
I was wondering who am I? My friends are choosing their pro-nouns and sexuality but I don’t know who to be! What do I do!? FROM BRI
Hi!
I’m so glad you decided to message us :) I think the bravest thing someone can say is “I don’t know yet”. I feel like your feelings start developing but change a lot and that’s pretty normal. I think that’s why a lot of people default to “girl” or “boy” is because it takes a lot of soul searching to know how you feel for sure. Even if you don’t know yet, it’s perfectly fine to try things on. Like see how different pronouns end sexualities feel. Do you like it? Do some fit or do others not feel like you? It’s perfectly valid to feel one way one moment but different the next. I’d love to hear if you’ve thought about any identities or if you’d like to know more/have questions about any of the identities. 
Image credit: itspronouncedmetrosexual.com. To learn more about The Genderbread Person, visit genderbread.org.
this graphic is pretty helpful and maybe you fill it out based on the day, it can change. And if it all feels overwhelming, you can always just educate yourself about the different identities and decide later. You can be a human, and that is always enough. How do you feel about your friends choosing identities? I just want you to know how proud I am of you for reaching out to us. We are also available if you want to call/text/messenger us. My shift is on Thursdays from 6-9pm, you can just ask for me! :) Good luck on learning more about you and I hope you message us back! -Bri FROM VANESSA
Hey!!!! Thank u so much for reaching out to us we love love love hearing from u ! but yea totally i get that sometimes it’s hard to know who you are yet and mostly in a world where being yourself is starting to be totally accepted. It’s okay to not know who you are yet or your pronouns or any of that. this is something that takes time and even tho it’s hard and so confusing to not know who you are yet i promise it gets better. you can try to experiment with different pronouns for now and see which one sticks with you or maybe with friends. you can do it i believe in you seriously u realizing that you want to be someone different is such a huge step and recognizing it is even more important. you can do it!!!! im cheering you on!!!! i work on tuesdays from 6-9 if u wanna talk more :) i’m cheering you on!!!!! -Vanessa FROM DAVID
Hi! I hope your having a great day and thanks for sending your message! Well, to answer your question your you! Just because your friends are choosing pronouns or sexualities' doesn't mean you have to too. It takes time to find out who you are and who you want to be and explore yourself. You shouldn't feel pressured to be someone you're not :) - David Comments are closed.
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