09/26/2023 - Utter hopelessness
The past couple of months I have been feeling utter monotony. Every day is the same. Everything I do repeats itself. Everything has lost all meaning.
I don't play videogames anymore. Nothing makes me happy. I barely like talking to my friends, hell, I hate being around anyone.
Last week I was in a horrible state, and because of this, I expressed to my friends (through online messaging services) that I was feeling suicidal, and many of them reached out and helped me.
One called the police, in fear of me committing. A couple came to my house and comforted me. One person expressed how they would feel hopeless if I was gone. This all should have come together and proven that these people care about me but it made it worse.
I feel so sick and disgusting that the thought of me being harmed could bring someone pain. It has already happened, and I felt so much worse.
I don't believe that I would ever actually be able to kill myself. I think the reason for this is because I can't bear the thought of bringing pain to people, even after I'm dead.
I know that's like "well that's good, right?" but no! I just am so much of a people pleaser that making things harder for everyone else is the only reason I haven't done it.
I'm just so done with everything. School only started a month ago but I'm already starting to fall behind. I'm in such a bad state to where I can't even bear going to school some days. I lay in my bed all day, barely moving. Getting up once or twice a day to use the bathroom.
09/26/2023 (Tuesday): Thank you for messaging TeenTalk. It took a lot of courage to reach out and share something so personal. Your post is important, and a few volunteers wanted to take some extra time to write a thoughtful response. Please check back tonight after 9 pm for our first set of responses and each day after 9 pm (except Friday to Sunday) until Monday, October 2 for any extra responses we might have.
We're glad you have a strong support system, but if you feel like your feelings are getting bigger and that you might act on your thoughts, please reach out to the SW Washington Crisis Line at 1.800.626.8137 and ask for the Youth Mobile Crisis Intervention Services team.
I am really sorry to hear that you are in a tough place right now. And I hope you can give yourself some grace and kindness to forgive yourself. To forgive yourself for not getting out of bed, because even barely moving is an accomplishment. To forgive yourself for not taking care of your body, because existing is the hardest part. To forgive yourself for letting others know you were in pain, because while they might worry, at least they had a chance to show you that they could be there for you. And forgive yourself, because sometimes its boring to do things that don't make you happy but its okay to sit with that feeling. And do what you can, when you can. I watched this TikTok once and it was exercises to do when you are depressed that you can do in a bed that are low movement but can help get your body moving in small ways. Maybe all you do that day is make it outside to get vitamin D. Finding small accomplishments that might make you feel better in the long run can be so important. I believe in you, and I know that school can be stressful when you feel like you're getting behind, but maybe one of those amazing individuals who were concerned might be willing to help sit with you as you do your homework. That has helped me in the past. I am really sorry you're feeling this way, and I hope that things will start to settle soon.
I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult and painful time right now. It takes a lot of courage to open up about these feelings, and I want to commend you for reaching out and sharing what you're going through.
It sounds like you're carrying an incredibly heavy burden, and the sense of monotony you're experiencing is genuinely tough. As someone who has experienced doing things that don't bring them joy anymore, I completely understand where you're coming from. It's also clear that you care deeply about the people in your life, and that concern for their well-being.
I want you to know that your feelings are valid, and it's okay to struggle. Many people go through periods of deep despair, and it can be incredibly overwhelming. It is important to remember that you don't have to face this on your own. Reaching out to a trusted adult, friend or school counselor can provide you with help.
It's also important to practice self-care, even when it feels nearly impossible. Try to engage in activities that once brought you joy, even if it's just for a few minutes each day. When I lost the happiness I got from my hobbies I met other people just getting into the hobby. I didn't really want to talk about the hobby but their enthusiasm brought mine back. Healing takes time and it's okay to seek help and lean on others during this challenging period in your life. Your well-being matters, and there are people who want to see you overcome this and find happiness and meaning in life once again.
I hope your situation gets better and I'm so glad that you know there are people out there for you. If you ever feel suicidal again, I heavily recommend reaching out to the crisis line because they can get you the help you need :)
I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult and painful time. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your feelings, and I want to commend you for doing so. Please know that you are not alone, and there are people who genuinely care about you and want to support you through this challenging period.
Feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, and trapped in monotony can be incredibly tough to handle. It's understandable that you're struggling with these emotions, but I'm glad to hear that you don't believe you would actually go through with harming yourself. The fact that you are concerned about the impact on others shows a deep level of empathy and compassion within you, even though it might feel like a burden right now.
You mentioned that your friends reached out and offered help when you expressed your feelings, and their actions demonstrate how much they care about you. It's normal to feel conflicted when you see that your pain affects those around you, but it's essential to remember that your friends want to help because they care about your well-being. Their support is a sign of their love and concern for you.
Remember that healing is a process, and it may take time. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to explore activities and interests that once brought you joy, even if they don't seem appealing right now. Surround yourself with a support system that understands your struggles and can provide a listening ear.
Your life is valuable, and your well-being matters. Please reach out to someone you trust or a mental health professional today to start the path toward healing and recovery. You are not alone in this, and there is hope for a better future.
I'm really sorry to hear that you've been going through such a difficult time, but I'm glad you reached out to talk about it. It's clear that you're struggling with feelings of sadness, and a sense of burden related to your friends' concerns. It's important to remember that you don't have to go through this alone, and there are ways to improve your situation. You're not alone in this, and many people care about your well-being. Your worth is not determined by your ability to please others. It's about taking care of yourself and finding happiness and fulfillment in your own life. If you ever feel self harmful things, please consider calling the suicide hotline: 988.
It sounds like things have been really hard lately but I’m really happy you reached out to teen talk and to your friends. I have gone through times that sound similar to how you’re describing the way you feel. It sucks and I know, for me at least, I just wanted to do nothing but that made it worse. I didn’t ever want to leave the house or go to school but as much as I hated it I slowly started making steps in a positive direction. When I didn’t want to see anyone I would go on a walk with a hoodie on and listen to music. Then after a few days of doing that I would go to the grocery store with my family. It took a while but I’m in a much better place and I really hope you can get there too. I believe in you!! I know things might seem meaningless or having no interest in old hobbies but it can really help to do something you used to enjoy. I like drawing so it made me feel a little better to draw and give it to someone else. I didn’t enjoy drawing for a while during that time but I did like to see how I could make other people happy even if I was still feeling a bit down. Or just watching silly YouTube videos that I couldn’t help but smile or laugh. I know you mentioned that you don’t think you would be able to act on any suicidal thoughts but if things ever change I hope you call the crisis line for support.
05/12/2023 - Im strugglinG
I feel like nobody cares, if im alive and/or dead
thank you so, so much for reaching out. you must be in a lot of pain right now, and it must be so hard. you are incredibly brave and strong, and there ARE people who care about you out there! people's ways of expressing affection might be different - care can manifest in the smallest things, like just someone smiling at you in hopes of brightening your day. and even if you can't think about anything off the top of your head, we care. i care about you, because even though i don't know you, youve trusted me with these feelings you have. i'm honored that you chose to share with us, and i'm thankful for you giving me something to do this afternoon - writing this message! please, please do believe me that you have an army of people who care about you at your side - some may be camouflaged or invisible, but theyre there all right.
i really wish i could give you a hug right now, but unfortunately, that technology doesnt exist. all i can say is i care about you and im so glad you exist. if you ever need someone to chat with, please please please give us a call. we'll be ecstatic to hear from you <3
Hey. Thank you for reaching out, especially with something like this. I have personally felt this myself and understand how hard it is to admit and as for help. I will include the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number (988) and the SW Washington Crisis Line number (1.800.626.8137) if you feel you need to contact either of these. Both are open 24/7. Are you journaling or seeing a therapist? I know sometimes these things can feel silly or useless but they do actually help. I know it feels pointless when it feels like no one cares but things will get better if you are determined and open to getting help. Feel free to call or text any time. My shift is from 4 - 7 on Fridays if you wanna talk to me and from 4 - 9 Monday to Thursday if you'd like to talk with another teen talker. We all want to listen and be there for you.
Hey! Thank you so much for reaching out to us. I am so sorry that you feel that way. There is always someone who you know that cares about you and the world is better with you in it! These feelings just be very difficult to deal with and it could help you if you talked to somebody. If you ever want to talk about your feelings or just want to chat we are here! Feel free to reach out, we’d love to hear from you!
Hi, my name is Amelia. Thanks for contacting Teen Talk, I understand it can be difficult to reach out so you should be proud you made that step. Of course I don't know the exact situation you are in, I can sympathize with feeling isolated from the people you hold close. It can be easy to continue to push yourself away but if I could suggest one thing, it would be to do activities that bring you joy and invite a sibling or friend along for the journey. I understand how connecting with people can be hard but even just little steps of putting yourself out there can help a lot. Please also remember that you have such an exciting life ahead of you filled with so much laughter and friendships, but it's also ok acknowledge things might not be ok right now. Of course if you ever need to share your feelings again or just want someone to talk to, feel free to reach out to TeenTalk again.
Wishing you the best,
It really sounds like you are hurting right now. I am so sorry to hear that you don't feel like anyone cares. I just want to let you know that I do care and I am here for you. I don't even know you (yet) and I really hope that you are safe. Sometimes when I feel alone it is hard for me to realize that there are people, even when they are maybe not physically there or are mentally not able to be there as much as I wish they could be. How long have you felt this way? I really hope that the feeling gets better soon. When I am really struggling, some things that help me are to find small things that take just the perfect amount of energy. And sometimes that really varies, like sometimes watching a tv show is the only energy I have, and to look at a screen and hear the words feels like a lot. Sometimes playing sudoku or a mind game is the amount of energy I have to keep focused but not too much that I am writing an essay or anything. And sometimes my amount of energy is running because I have a lot of energy but not enough ability to cope. I have a little chart that I made that has ideas so that in the moment I don't have to try to figure out what to do, I just have it available. I don't know if that would work for you but I hope it does and I would love to talk more, if you are interested. There is also the Clark County crisis line for when we aren't available if you need support right away (800.626.8137).
I really appreciate you taking the time to reach out. I really hope you know that you are not alone and that people do care whether you are alive or dead. If you ever feel really down you can reach out to the suicide prevention hotline. You can also try and focus on your hobbies or try and find a hobby for you to do and that really helps. Also taking walks outside can be really really helpful if your feeling down. It's definitely normal to feel alone in the world at times but it does get better. I really hope you stay strong and know that it will get better :)
hi there, thank you for reaching out :) things can get really rough sometimes but i'm willing to bet that there's someone out there who cares for you. even if you don't know them personally, you could be brightening someone's day without having a clue! no matter what your life is precious and i would definitely be sad if i knew someone who has potential and so much more life ahead of them had that taken away so soon. if you want to, you can reach out to teen talk on social media, emails, calls, etc. and anyone here would be happy to tell you all the amazing things about yourself and reasons that we care!
07/09/2022 - ?
Can you got to hell for it?
Hi there! It sounds like you're going through a lot right now, but it shows a lot of courage that you've reached out, so thank you!
It sounds to me like you have recently lost someone to suicide and/or are considering suicide yourself. In either case, I'm sorry that you're dealing with such a difficult time. It is never easy to lose someone you love or lose hope in your future happiness.
To address your question, I must first insert the disclaimer that I am agnostic and may not be able to offer the religious counsel you seek. I also cannot make any assumptions on your religious beliefs, as I don't know you! With that said, I was raised Christian and from my time in the church one of the things I recall being emphasized was that one cannot get into heaven by works alone. By that logic, it stands to reason that a single work like suicide cannot send someone to hell.
In the case that you lost someone recently, I hope you can take comfort in the knowledge that God has not abandoned them (once again, defaulting to a Christian perspective). If your question comes from a consideration of suicide however, I implore you to think of what God still has planned for you! Heaven sounds like a good deal, but there is merit to saving the best for last; stay awhile, you never know what you might miss if not!
Apologies if a Christian perspective is not what you were looking for, and I hope I was able to address your concerns. Once again, thank you for being brave and reaching out! It shows how much you care!
Determining what happens after ones life is a hefty subject, especially in regards to suicide. Thank you for reaching out to us with this question, I think it requires a lot of reflection based upon your personal beliefs. Some people believe in heaven and hell while others don't, and some believe people will end up in those places for a variety of decisions they make here on earth. I think it's up to you to determine what you believe. I cannot tell you for 100% certainty if or if not someone will go to hell if they end their own life, however I can tell you that there are a variety of choices we get to make while we are here. I want to discourage anyone to act upon thoughts of suicide or self harm, and instead choose to reach out to a resource. If you are experiencing a crisis, please contact the local crisis line at 1-800-626-8137 or the national suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255. You are welcome to call us at 360.397.2428 or text us at 360.984.0936 if you need a safe place to vent or talk things out. Thank you for reaching out, and while I wasn't able to answer your question, I hope this response gave you some points to think about.
10/18/2021 - Suicidal thoughts, don’t know what to do to make myself feel better
I feel so hopeless. Everyday is such a struggle and I don’t have the time to unwind and relax. I really feel like giving up. I don’t want to do this anymore. I am so stressed out and people just tell me that it’s all in my head. It’s not. I’m alone and I don’t have any friends. I have really really bad social anxiety so forming friendships is so difficult. I don’t have anyone to talk to. My parents just tell me to suck it up and I stopped going to therapy because it didn’t help at all. I’ve been like this for about 1 or 2 years and nothing’s changed. No improvement at all.
Hello! I'm so sorry that you have been struggling with that. I'm sure you've heard time and time again that things will get better and with the amount of time you've been feeling like this you may doubt it but I have to promise you that life will get better. You are so incredibly strong to go through what you're going through so I promise that hanging in there will help. It may not be any time in the immediate future but I promise you hanging in there will be worth it!
This is your choice but if you are willing I really do suggest trying multiple therapists, sometimes it can be a struggle finding the right one but I figure it wouldn't hurt too bad to give that a try again. TeenTalk or other crisis call centers if you need it is also here to talk to you through text or calls whenever you want/need it.
I really hope things will get better as soon as possible because you deserve it, you really, really do.
thank u for reaching out to us seriously we appreciate you being so brave and taking a step like this one. But yea i totally get it being in a headspace that doesn’t let you move foreword in your life and how frustrating that is to feel like everyday is a chore. giving up is incredibly easy since it seems like we can’t do anything to fix it but, and you have probably heard this so many times, it gets better. parents sometimes don’t understand how hard it is to just leave your bed everyday but believe me when i say i am incredibly proud of u for reaching out. realizing you have need help is a great first step and yea sometimes therapy doesn’t work but there are a lot of distractions and programs out there meant to help us. it takes a long time to recover and feel free again so it’ll be a long ride but i assure u that at some point this’ll just be a bad memory for you. take care of yourself and i understand how hard it is for you and how helpless you might feel in a situation like this one. even if you don’t realize it, you have people that care about you and want to see you thrive in the world so don’t give up just yet. you’re here for a reason so try to make the most of it even if it doesn’t feel the best at the moment. everything will be okay and i’m more than happy to respond to u again if u decide to leave a message back :)
llo! I'm so glad you've decided to reach out. It's really hard to talk to people you don't even know so just that is great! I'm really sorry your parents are saying that, that's not helpful at all. I think it's hard for people who care a lot about you to imagine that you aren't doing well. Hopefully if you needed immediate help, you still feel like you could go to them? If not them, maybe another relative or just someone you could lean on if you ever felt like you might do something to put yourself at risk. It sucks being alone, so finding people you could turn to if you needed them might be a good thing. They say some stress is healthy, but not to the point of having it be all consuming, that's for sure. If you're looking for advice, I'd say to take everything you don't absolutely need to be doing off your plate. If you're doing multiple clubs or extracurriculars, you could try to pick one to stick with. If it's a lot of difficult classes stressing you out, you could drop them for easier ones. Even if it's a job and you like or need the money, if it's at all within your means, you could think about quitting. It may seem like a bad idea to take it easy but no amount of money is worth your life. You are more important then a graduation honor, you are more important then any grade, or job, or any other stressors in your life. You deserve to take time for yourself, seriously, you aren't a robot as nice as that might be sometimes. Putting yourself first is honestly really hard, but often relieving. lt may not be an overnight change but with lightening up your workload who knows, maybe you'll find you have more time to get to know other people around you who are also having a hard time with friends ;)